I am sure we can all find a million reasons why we shouldn't work out or why it is okay to reward ourselves with treats we don't really need.  It probably sounds something like, "It's the holidays--I will be good once Thanksgiving is over," or "I deserve this treat or to sleep in and not work out because I have been working so hard."  The problem is that the holidays run from Halloween through the New Year when many of us are then forced to make a resolution to lose those extra pounds. 
          I have not been as careful as I could be with my eating, but I have been consistent with my workout routine.  Luckily, as I have shared in previous blogs, as long as I am exercising I can keep my weight under control--I won't lose pounds, but I also don't gain weight either.  I did have to take an extra day off this week because we were traveling up to Northern California, but I made up for it by doing extra bike miles than I had planned for.

          On Tuesday, Sean and I rode bikes up the Coast of Monterey Bay.  This is honestly my favorite place in the world to get outside and play.  The time flies by as I watch the beautiful white-capped waves roll in, see the sea lions littered all over the sand and rocks, and observe the sea otters floating over the seaweed.  I had decided to do a short BRICK workout, so I biked 9.75 miles, locked my bike up near a coffee shop, and ran 4.35 miles.  After having a much deserved non-fat latte, we rode another 3.5 miles back to the hotel.  All this was done before breakfast, so we could spend the rest of the day hanging with the kids.      

          The next day, we decided that we just couldn't resist one more glorious ride near the surf.  Unfortunately mother nature had other plans for us.  We were about 20 minutes into our ride when it began to sprinkle.  I was very happy I had decided to bring my mountain bike for this trip, because the wider tires made it much safer on the wet road.  However, the farther we rode, the harder it began to rain.  At one point it was raining so hard that I literally had to close one eye and squint the other, because the head wind was pushing the drops right into my eyeballs.  I know it sounds crazy that we continued, but we had already gone so far and I know that I can't control the weather for Ironman and need to prepare for any situation.   By the time we arrived back at the hotel we were soaked to the bone, and I could pour water right out of my shoes (see wet dog photo to the left).  I had planned to swim in the hotel pool, but I decided that I had technically had a simultaneous swim/ride and that I was done for the day.  A 17 mile hill ride was good enough, and I would just need to fit in an extra swim over the weekend.

          I ended the holiday by running my annual Oceanside Turkey Trot 5 miler.  Team "Huffing for Stuffing" (Mark, Steph, Emily, and I) headed out before the sun was up and arrived at the race with plenty of time to grab our race packets, stretch, and take our pre-race photos (as my husband pointed out today, I spend as much time documenting my exercise as I actually spend exercising).  I love this race because not only does most of the course have an ocean view, but it starts at 7 am.  This means that even after running and driving home, we were back before 10 to help prepare the Thanksgiving meal. No excuses for this girl.  I wanted to enjoy my one serving of our Thanksgiving celebration meal, so I made sure I got my body moving early and I didn't even miss a minute of family time in the process.
          So stop making the holidays an excuse for making bad choices.  If you want to celebrate, work on making some healthy holiday traditions.  Try taking a vacation to a place where you can play outdoors, or even find a local race to celebrate.  You will feel better about your choices and avoid waking up on January 1st realizing that you have to get out there a work extra hard to reverse what the holidays did to you.

“When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no 'I'll start tomorrow.' Tomorrow is disease.”
                                ― Terri Guillemets

          Is there anyone in this entire world that enjoys trying on swimsuits?  If so, I am not sure I would like to be in the same room with the person that possesses a body perfect enough to find pleasure in swimsuit shopping.  I find this process absolute torture! So why, despite the fact that we are well beyond bathing suit shopping season, was I subjecting myself to this kind of torture?  Blame it on Ironman.  Now that I am swimming three days a week, one training suit is just not enough.  And the problem with actual swimming suits as opposed to bathing suits is that you cannot find them in your typical, everyday sizes.  I know that I wear a size 10 bathing suit, but that was absolutely no help when I was trying to find a swim suit.  The sizes were in the 20's and 30's and they made no sense to me.  I decided to ask my friendly neighborhood sporting goods store worker, and after looking at the correlation tag, he suggested that I would need a 28--after all, he shared, the 38 and 40 in my hands looked huge. So, to err on the side of caution, I decided to try on suits in sizes 30 and 32. 
        What happened next was horrible.  As I attempted to pull those suits over my much improved body, I had to squirm and tug and the result was something similar to what a ham or roast beef feels like when it is tied up to bake--the fat and flab was oozing out of all the straps, and it was not pretty.  I truly wanted to cry.  After all the hard work and training I have been doing, swimsuit shopping had me feeling like I was looking at that 230 pound person I used to be.  What I later realized was that the man who had helped me with the sizes had directed me to size 4 and 6 suits.  I don't even think I wore these sizes when I was 10 years-old.  Once I had the more appropriate size 38 on, which was not huge despite what the salesman stated, the flabby parts stayed inside the suit instead of oozing out.
          So why would I start a blog about gratitude with an anecdote such as this?  Well, when I got home that night completely frustrated, humbled, and defeated from this experience, my husband not only told me I looked beautiful in my new swimsuit, but he also told me I was starting to look like a teenager because of my new healthy lifestyle.  I am not only happy that I have a husband that still loves me for who I am and what I have become, but I am also thankful that over the years his eyesight has deteriorated enough that he does not see my wrinkles, stretch marks, and my still flabby parts.
          The last couple weeks have been difficult for me because not only did I have the swimsuit experience, but I have also had some seeds of doubt creep into my my brain again--who am I to think I can actually survive Ironman training and complete this type of race?  Last weekend, after a complete week of training in all three sports, I also rode 30 miles on Saturday, and woke up the next morning to swim 1200m and then run 10 miles.  As I was running my final miles through wine country I began to think about how drained I was at that moment, and how I had not even come close to what I was going to have to produce for Ironman.

          When I arrived home, my daughter had posted the message in this photo on my mirror, "Belief triggers the power to do.  Never give up I believe in you." It is funny how inspiration arrives when you most need it.  I had not shared the swimsuit experience with her, nor had I expressed out loud that doubt had been creeping back into my head.  She just knew that I needed a push, and she took it upon herself to inspire me.  I am so thankful that I have a daughter that believes in me and wants me to succeed even though it requires her to watch Eoin so I can get my workouts in.   

          Never one to like his sister to get praise and not get some of his own, Eoin decided to make a sign as well to cheer me on, "Mom I know you can do it 'cause you have lightning and fight power."  How can I have doubt when my son thinks I have such power within myself?  How can I even think I am not capable when my daughter is a consistent example of never giving up even in the face of great adversity?  My children and my husband know I can do this--why do I keep doubting my abilities when I am training so hard and so consistently?  I am so grateful to have a family that supports me, believes in me, and will continue to remind me that I have more power in me than I realize.

          I am also extremely grateful for the amazing friends I have.  Not only can I convince a bunch of them to get up at god-awful hours to swim, bike, and run with me, but they also regularly post words of encouragement like the one to the right.  Long distance races are extremely mental--half the battle is just achieving the right mindset. I can train hours, weeks, and months, but if I do not believe I can do this, if I do not persevere and I end up giving up on myself, all the hard work and training is for naught.  That is why I count my lucky stars that I have a strong support of friends that will not let me believe anything other than the fact that come end of July I will be able to call myself an Ironman finisher.
          Now while I am grateful for all things training related at this point, I would be negligent if I did not mention my gratitude for the basic things I have that make all this possible. I am so thankful for my health and the health of my friends and family.  I am most thankful that Kay has not only made it through five weeks of chemo and radiation, but that she was even able to train throughout the process. Her doctors have given her glowing reports, and we all think that her kick-@$$ attitude has scared rectal cancer into backing down.
          I am also thankful for the opportunity to live in a community where not only can I train all over, but I am surrounded by the most supportive and amazing people you can imagine.  When I first moved here from the Pasadena area, their friendliness kind of freaked me out.  Now I realize that when complete strangers stop to talk to you they do not have an ulterior motive, they are just being nice.  In addition, I am grateful that I have a steady job working with the children in this community I love so much.  No matter what the press tries to portray, I work with a hard-working bunch of people who love what they do despite the long hours, lack of funds, and ever increasing workload.  We know we are lucky to be allowed to shape the future.
          So even though I am very tired these days, I am continuing to maintain an attitude of gratitude.  I am thankful for everything I have been given in life--I know I am a very lucky girl!

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”        --Albert Schweitzer

          Some days are just harder to stay motivated than others.  Last week I shared that when I have to train solo, I find it more difficult to push myself to stick with my training plan.  I also find Fridays to be particularly hard to get up when it's still dark outside and my family is snuggled so comfortably in their beds as I head out into the cold. This Friday was no exception.  It was a day when I knew I had to swim by myself, so already my brain was working on excuses.  I woke up a little before my 4:45 alarm, so I told myself that if my alarm didn't actually go off, I would allow myself to get some extra sleep.  After all, that would be a sign that my body needed to rest, right? A few minutes later, my alarm began to scream at me.  Excuse #1 down.
          Next, I decided that if it was raining, I would go back to bed.  My brain was thinking, "I am not really sure the pool is even open on rainy days--I don't want to get too wet."  In addition, I have to drive 20 minutes to get to the local recreation center to swim.  What if I went all that way and it was closed due to inclement weather?  So I walked outside to check the weather, and not only was it not raining, the ground was absolutely bone dry. Why, oh why was mother nature not cooperating with my intense need to skip swimming and go back to bed?  Excuse #2 down.
          At this point I was going for the big guns.  Okay, if my weight had gone up over the last week, then I would absolutely have to go and work off the extra weight.  So I stepped on the scale, and I had actually lost a fraction of a pound.  Technically I could go back to bed now, right?  The problem was that at this point I was completely awake, and my brain was realizing what I was trying to do.  So I reluctantly put on my swimsuit and forced myself to go do my swim workout.  Excuse #3 averted.

          Luckily, at this point in my journey I rarely make excuses to get myself out of my exercise.  I honestly enjoy it now and don't have nearly the energy if I skip my workouts.  In fact, my running buddies will tell you that our rule is we run no matter what the weather--only lightening will keep us from our appointed route (funny how I have double standards for running and swimming). I just felt the above experience really illustrates how truly ridiculous I can be when I want to get out of something.  Sometimes we work harder on our excuses to get out of work than it would have taken if we had just done the original task in the first place.  A math teacher friend of mine shares that to avoid doing the difficult problems on her tests, the students will often do more math calculating the affect on their score if they skip the hard problems than they would have had to do if they just did the problems they are avoiding.  But if we want results, we have to stop making excuses.  Or as Mater from the CARS movie would say we just need to "Get'er done!"
          And while I don't often make excuses for my training, I am a master at convincing myself that it is okay to eat food that is not good for me.  It is really easy these days to justify why it is okay for me to have something sweet like chocolate or ice cream, or to tell myself it is okay to choose french fries instead of fruit.  With all of my training I am losing inches, and for the first time in two years, I am even losing a few pounds.  I am at the lowest I have been in probably twenty years.  That's why my brain is telling me it is okay to have butter on my toast, to indulge in some fried foods, and even to put chocolate, which is a major trigger food for me, into my mouth.
          In addition, I am burning lots of calories with these double workouts, so I am really hungry all the time.  These days I almost think I know what it feels like to be a ravenous teenage boy.  I will eat a meal, and one hour later I will be hungry.  Again my brain is using this as an excuse for me to make bad choices--you burned a lot of calories, your hungry, so it won't hurt you to eat those mini Snickers bars, Hot Tamales, or a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

          Here's the problem--I won't be able to keep up this level of exercise forever.  I am training for Ironman, but after that I will go back to a normal level of movement.  If I get used to eating crap, once I cut back on my workouts, my body will still crave the unhealthy food.  This will ensure that I will once again gain weight and go back to where I was before, and I NEVER want to go back to the old me again.
          The other truth is, I should be eating more food.  I am working out 1-3 hours a day six days a week, and my body needs more fuel to replenish what I burn.  However, I should be eating lots of lean protein, veggies, fruits, and whole grains instead of replacing the calories with sugar, unhealthy fat, and empty calories.  Don't get me wrong, my friends will tell you that I am the one that almost always brings a healthy breakfast and lunch with me to work, so I do eat healthy food most of the time.  The problem is that sometimes I eat crap in addition to or instead of the healthy meals I bring.  I need to remind myself than thinner does not mean healthier if I don't make good food choices.
          So in the coming weeks I will be watching what I put into my mouth to ensure that it will be a healthy fuel for my body.  No more excuses for making bad choices, no more excuses to get out of swimming, and no more using junkie foods to supplement my calories needs.  In a revised version of an old Weight Watcher inspirational quote, "Nothing tastes as good as a healthy and flabulous me feels!"  NO EXCUSES!

          I have come to realize that my journey to flabulous is similar to the process taken in creating a piece of art like a statue.  Sometimes I feel like the piece of stone that is slowly being chiseled away at to reveal the shape beneath.  And sometimes I feel like the sculptor--never happy with the final product and constantly looking at the flaws to improve the piece.  It feels like every time I work on fixing a flaw in the piece, another area of need pops up for me to work on.
          This week a new area of need has revealed itself, and it is not a small thing to change.  It is something that is part of my very nature, but it will make training and doing the Ironman much more difficult for me if I don't address this weakness.  My problem is that I honestly don't enjoy spending time by myself.  I have friends that recharge by spending quality time mediating, taking quiet time for themselves to think about what is going on in their lives.  But I get bored when I am alone.  Sometimes I wonder why people even want to spend time with me, because I don't honestly find myself all that interesting.
          Here is what I know about myself--do you know how people are gifted in the areas of math, language arts, music, sports, etc.?  Well, I feel I am strong in the area of interpersonal skills.  From the time I said my first words, I would talk to any and everyone who would listen to me.  When my mother would take me trick-or-treating, I wanted to walk into each house we visited and spend time with them.  When my family had guests at our house, I would walk out to their cars with them and try and climb in their cars to go home with them. I love people--always have, always will.  So while some of my friends need time to themselves to decompress and recharge, I get that same feeling when I am surrounded by my friends and family.
          I know this is sad, but I honestly cannot go to dinner, to a movie, go shopping, or do anything outside of my house if I must go by myself.  I don't even like when Sean has a business trip that keeps him away overnight.  I make one of the kids sleep with me so I don't have to be by myself.  So why is this a problem?  Training for Ironman is going to take some long hours of running, biking, and swimming, and while I will mostly be able to train with my buddies, things happen.  Last week, my two Ironman buddies got stuck on the East Coast due to hurricane Sandy, which meant that I didn't have Karrie to swim with me on Wednesday.  It was really hard pulling myself out of bed at 4:45am knowing she wouldn't be there with me.  And while I did go alone, I was not happy about it.  Another of my consistent partners is battling a knee injury, so on Tuesday I had to run 4 long miles all by my lonesome. Even that short amount of time had me thinking the whole time about how much more fun it would have been if I had running partners with me.
          Besides my training partners sometimes not being available, there is another issue I am concerned about with my loathing of alone time.  The Ironman will take me somewhere between fifteen and seventeen hours to complete, and I don't anticipate that I will be able to spend that entire time with Leslie and Karrie.  They are better swimmers than me, so I think I might spend most of the biking and running legs by myself.  That means a long stretch of alone time will be ahead of me, so I need to find a way to enjoy this time with myself.  This race really demands that a racer be mentally tough as well as physically strong, so I need to think of this time as a gift instead of a punishment.
          So today, I tried something new--I made myself run alone.  In addition to a 1000m swim, I had nine miles of running I also had to complete.  I could have called my friends to go with me, knowing somebody would have supported me, but I decided I needed to try this one by myself.   I can't say I loved it, but 9.5 miles later I did not die of loneliness, nor did I give up on myself and quit because no one was there to push me.  I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, and I need to remind myself of that on a regular basis.  And while I will still choose to run, bike and swim with my friends on a consistent basis, I do need to build in some alone time as well so I can begin to get comfortable being with me. I think my friends feel I am worth spending time with--maybe I will eventually feel that way, too.

“‎In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only do with somebody else. It’s important to combine the two in just the right amount”
                                                                --Haruki Murakami, After Dark