This weekend I had a strange dream. I was in the middle of the forest and I was mindlessly nibbling on a house made of candy and gingerbread.  And while this dream's underlining meaning was not lost upon me, it got me thinking about the fact that in every society there are stories, tales, and legends that are passed down from generation to generation. For me and for my children, and for many of the families we know, we have all been told numerous fairy tales and nursery rhymes.  But did you ever realize how morbid and sadistic so many of these stories we tell actually are? Take the rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie"...this rhyme actually has a historical connection to the Bubonic Plague.  The plague came with a rosy, ring-shaped rash and the "ashes, ashes" line in the poem refers to the fact that they cremated the plague victims--and we sing this rhyme with kids who can often only watch G-rated movies.  Ring Around the Rosy

And what about the juvenile delinquent known as Goldilocks.  Didn't her parents ever teach her not to enter a house without permission? What was she thinking when she decided to eat their food, break their furniture, and then take a nap in a stranger's house.  How safe is that?  And don't get me started on the maligning of the poor stepmothers in our society through the retelling of these fairy tales. I remember feeling very sorry for any of my friends who had the misfortune of acquiring a new mother.  It was certain in my mind that they would be forced into indentured servitude by their stepmothers, or like in the case of my Hansel and Gretel in my dream, that their new mom would somehow convince their fathers to drop them in the middle of a forest to fend for themselves.  The Disturbing Origins of 10 Famous Fairy Tales

I think that dreams are a way for our minds to make sense or to work out our problems while we rest.  My thoughts are that by having me nibble on a tasty gingerbread house in my sleep, my subconscious was trying to remind me or make me aware that I am still not where I need to be with my nutritional choices.  While I am not mindlessly eating candy, I am putting things into my mouth without even thinking about the fact that I am eating when I am not even hungry.  I feel a bit like poor Hansel in a cage with the witch trying to fatten him up so he can be eaten...only I am the witch fattening myself up. I must confess that I am still not getting this food thing under control.  Add to that an inconsistent workout routine over the last month and a lack of tracking what I am eating and it is a recipe for "nibbling on candy house" dreams and tighter pants as a result.

While I know that this whole weight thing is not the end of the world, I do need to find a way to put on the brakes and reverse the direction I am headed.  I find that I do best when I have official races on my calendar so I have added the San Diego Holiday Half Marathon on December 28 and I am hoping to add an Olympic or longer length triathlon to next year's schedule as well.  In the meantime I am just trying to stay positive and find inspiration where I can.  I love this article Kay shared recently.  In this article entitled 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself the author, March Chernoff, shares a to-do list of ideas for being kind to yourself. I found #7 Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you to be one that I can use to grow.  Chernoff shares, "If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.  Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.  Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures." 

I am definitely falling right now, but I am working hard to learn from my current mistakes.  I will get back up and control my nibbling so I can continue on my road to fabulous.

Lately my friend Kay has been looking for ways to remind herself that despite the craziness brought into her life because of cancer, she can still find joy in the small things. Each morning she takes a little time to look for inspirational messages, stories, resources and then she shares these gems with her friends so that they too can remember to choose happiness no matter what life throws at them.

One thing that really brought back such strong memories for me this week was a picture Kay posted of my childhood hero Pippi Longstocking. Sometimes when we go to lead our grown-up lives, we forget to stay connected to the child-like side that once made us so content--and though I left Pippi behind me long ago, Kay's posts brought back such a flood of memories that I felt compelled to write a little tribute to Pippi in this week's blog

There were times in my childhood that I just wanted to escape.  Occasionally a trip on my bicycle to faraway corners of Carson, the city where I grew up, would do it for me, but there were times that I just needed to pretend to be somewhere else or someone else.  Pippi was that person for me.  She was everything that I wasn't at the time, and her life seemed so magical--who wouldn't want to live in her own mansion without anyone to tell her what to eat, when to go to bed, or how she should spend her days.  Pippi handled adults in a way that was admirable from a child's point of view, and I wanted to be just like her.  Here are some of the lessons I learned from Pippi:

1) Pippi never worried about things that she couldn't control. Her mom was in heaven and her dad was a captain lost at sea, but instead of worrying about when her dad would come back to her, she lived each day to the fullest awaiting her father's return. While her best friend Annika spends time worrying about little things like catching cold from being wet, Pippi, being more practical, points out that no one has ever died from being cold. My lesson learned: Focus on what you can control and make the most of what you cannot control.

2) Pippi found ways to make even the most boring chores and tasks exciting. She multi-tasked by taking a bath in her clothes on laundry day and my all time favorite was when Pippi strapped brushes on her feet and skated around her floor instead of just mopping it. I must admit that I tried this technique on more than one occasion--fun, but not as comfortable as it looked in the movie. My lesson learned: If you can't just change your attitude about something like eating healthier or exercising, make it fun and more enjoyable.  Play outside when you exercise or take the time to make healthier food more delicious--Hungry Girl is my go-to site for ideas to make my favorite dishes healthier.

3) Pippi is always kind to people unless they prove that they don't deserve this kindness. Pippi's heart is pure when she first meets both adults and children alike.  She shares whatever she has without expecting anything in return.  She shares her pirate gold with anyone that needs it and things only go crazy when these adults try to steal her property or attempt to put her in an orphanage. My lesson learned: Have an open heart and be kind to others, but do not waste your time on people who don't deserve your kindness.

4) Pippi goes out of her way to to do kind and generous acts for others.  There is a great scene in one of the Pippi movies where she takes the orphans out and does a little parade through the town with them and feeds them all the ice cream and goodies they can possibly indulge in. I know, not healthy, but those kids felt so special. We are all so busy, but try to find time to do something kind for someone else.  Volunteer at a food pantry, do something nice for a neighbor, or even send a card or email to someone to remind them they are loved.  All these things are small gestures but much appreciated by the recipients.   My lesson learned: Be generous with your love, your time, and with doing nice things for others. I learned long ago that giving feels so much better than receiving, but you must allow others to give to you so they can have the same satisfied feelings.

5) Pippi is super strong for a little girl. I used to love the fact that Pippi could lift her horse, Old Man, over her head or escort grown adults out of her house by lifting them from the back of their pants and tossing them out. I know I wish I had been able to protect myself like Pippi was capable of doing. Even now I strive to be stronger, but this is an area of growth for me.  My lesson learned: While I don't need to lift horses or toss adults out of my house, as I get older I need to build up my strength so that I can be stable and flexible to avoid injuries and to protect yourself if you ever need to.  Strength Training is important to add to your training routine.

I hope you, too, can find some of the joy that I have experienced reliving the world of Pippi this week. Sometimes I just need to let go of my adult seriousness and remember what it was like to be a child.  Today I was able to introduce my youngest son Eoin to the world of Pippi and I hope that he has the same joyful memories as I do of this amazing young girl.  Thank you Pippi! 

Pippi Trivia: Pippi's full name is Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Ephraim's Daughter Longstocking.

Article sharing the reasons Pippi is the ultimate Powerful woman


Pippi Longstocking original movie collection boxed set on Amazon

I would like you to understand that while I actually do recycle and sort my refuse, and while I do a small amount of composting as well, I am not a raging environmentalist. I don't walk around deriding people who do not follow zero landscaping guidelines, nor do I judge someone if they do not bring their own bags to the grocery store instead of using the store's less environmentally kind paper and plastic bags.  I must admit, however, that I do have a strong dislike of the actress Scarlett Johansson because I once saw a photograph of her in US magazine sitting her butt in her convertible while she leaned out her open car door to place her Starbucks leftovers on the ground by her car.  Honestly, who does that?  I grudgingly watched the movie Captain America last weekend where she very convincingly played the "good guy," but I rolled my eyes a bit each time she made an appearance on the screen--I know your true nature Scarlett!

I wandered a bit, but all that prelude was a build-up to what is bugging me this week.  You may not realize this if you live outside our state, but in California we are in the middle of a massive drought with no end in sight.  I just heard on the morning news that even The Farmer's Almanac is predicting that our drought will continue through next year...so why do people still continue to water their sidewalks in an attempt to maintain a pristine green lawn? In my neighborhood there are a few that still seem to be oblivious to the water shortage, but overall, we are pretty careful around here.  But this week Sean and I went to a conference in a land called Desert Hot Springs. I am sure it will not surprise you that even while out of town for a bit, I still drug Sean out of bed early to go on a crack-of-dawn morning run with me.  As we went out, a runner was just finishing his run and jogging in.  He gave us a little wave and then warned us to be careful out there.  I wasn't sure what he could mean--wasn't Desert Hot Springs a pretty nice area overrun with Snowbirds and retired people? 

Within about 100 yards Sean and I experienced first-hand what there was to be cautious about--the sidewalks. Yes, the sidewalks! We found that you couldn't run easily without having to watch your feet from flying out under your body. Sidewalks that are overwatered over a long period of time develop this layer of sediment and a mossy kind of texture that makes it very slippery.  I had to ask Sean a couple times if he had accidentally driven across the border into another state while I accidentally fell asleep in the car on the way in the previous night.  Wasn't Desert Hot Springs still part of California?  Why didn't the water conservation rules apply to the city streets here?

Now it isn't just about the wasting of a limited resource that bothered me--it was also a safety issue. Case in point. As I ran down the wet sidewalks, both a mountain bike and a young man wearing wrinkled dirty clothes and no shoes came my way.  Now I must have been looking pretty good that morning this my headband and spiky hair, because when the young man spotted me running toward him, he puffed out his chest and began to strut a bit.  Only this young man failed to realize that the people in this city have created an environment where strutting and not keeping one's eyes on the ground can lead to bad things.  He took about five steps toward me when all of a sudden his bare feet slipped out from under him and as his body made contact with the overwatered slick grass, he took off like a kid on a slip 'n slide.  Thankfully he popped right back up as if he had never taken that embarrassing side trip, and as I ran by he gave a little wave indicating that he had survived the watered sidewalks wrath.

Now because I am so speedy...okay, it was because the young man obviously had no place to rush off to, when I ran back toward the hotel, I once again saw him in the distance.  We again made eye contact and this is when-- and I am not making this up--he threw off his shirt and began to do push-ups while watching me to make sure I had noticed him.  I guess he realized that push-ups were safer than strutting, and that at least if he slipped here he did not have as far to fall to the ground.  I am pretty sure he hit his head when he fell that first because at this point there would be no other explanation for why he would find me at all appealing--I was a sweaty mess! Poor guy!  I hope he survived his injuries and remembers that consistently wet sidewalks + strutting = embarrassing head injuries and delusions/mirages of middle-aged beauties running right toward your arms.

Those of you that know me well are most likely crying "Bullshit," right now. You are thinking that I am probably not that worried about the wasted water nor the poor young man who became the victim of said wasted water. You are probably guessing that what was truly annoying to me was that as I had to tread so carefully over the Desert Hot Springs street, I could not keep up my usual running pace.  You might be wondering if I was more annoyed that the city officials don't seem to understand that some of us are training out here and have a need for safer terrain to stick to our strict training schedules. Well, you would be wrong.  I truly care about our precious resources and about the well-being of my fellow man.  Besides, I promptly deleted that awful time from my Run Keeper app, so it didn't really happen, right?

I have thought about this a lot over the last few years. There may have been some of us that had the  perfect childhood where everything was just the way it should be. In these families, the parents had plenty of time to spend with their children, there was very little conflict going on between these parties--these children were fed three-plus square meals a day, had plenty of fun activities to enrich their lives, and experienced few-to-no traumatic events that would define what their grown-up lives would become. But I am willing to bet that very few of us experienced this idyllic childhood. 
         
I, for one, had a loving single mother who had to work hard to make sure that we got everything she thought we needed. With this hard work, it meant that she was not at home to supervise us as much as she, perhaps, should have. In this often unsupervised environment, things sometimes occur that should not be experienced by a child. I won't go into the ugly details because doing so does not change what happened, and I have made peace with these experiences. However, despite these early challenges, I am not saying that I had a terrible childhood, because I would not trade many of my experiences for anything. These experiences made me the person I am today.                  
         
Because there were times that no one was watching me, I was able to play hide and seek after dark in my neighborhood, I got to explore the sewer system and the water ways around my neighborhood, and having a bike meant that even at under ten years old, I was able to ride miles away to the local mall, travel to my favorite childhood junk food places like McDonalds, and pretty much feel like the entire world was there for me to explore as long I was willing to bike far enough. Without the bad times I truly believe that I could not appreciate these little things in life that I was able to do. Don't get me wrong, my mom was not neglectful. She hired people to take care of me… but they just didn't do a very good job of managing my wandering nature. And why would an eight-year-old self tell my mother about the lack of supervision when doing so would mean the end of my journeys around the beautiful city of Carson?
         
And with that I suppose you can see that my view of the world was very juvenile and simplistic.  I thought that the fact that I lived across the street (literally across the street) from a liquor store/market was proof that I was living a charmed childhood.  I could just walk across the street and have access to any of God's bountiful culinary masterpieces: Hostess fruit pies, Funyons, Crush sodas, ice cream treats of every kind, and any chocolate bar or candy confection your childhood self could possibly imagine.  At that time it felt like living across the street from the Wonka Candy Factory.  I overlooked the times like the one where I was watercoloring on my front sidewalk, happened to paint a license plate number of a car parked in front of me, and ended up being a six-year-old witness to a convenience store robbery.  Or the time I found a paper bag of money under an A-frame sign advertising beer and milk, and ended up hiding from my friend's drug-dealer brother who had foolishly hidden the fruits of his labor in view of a child who felt like she hit the junk food buying lotto that day.
         
How I survived my childhood in one piece is still a miracle in my mind, but I do think that what made it possible for me to survive some of the emotional challenges was my refusal to let my past define my future self. Please understand that I am not trying to minimize anyone's terrible experiences.  All I am saying is that deciding to let go of what was not in my control, like changing the past, and focusing on what I could do to make my life better was more productive and led me to a place of peace and, dare I say, happiness.  I also truly believe that my losses and experiences of childhood trauma have contributed to the tapestry of my current self. I believe that it made me a more compassionate person, which also helps me to be a more understanding and patient parent and teacher.
         
I choose to share this very private side of myself this week because I have several friends that are facing difficult challenges in their lives that are making it more difficult for them to stay positive. I want them to remember that they are strong and that despite how they are feeling right now, things will get better.  As I researched for this blog I found some good tips in an article entitled 7 Ways to Heal Your Childhood Trauma:

1. Acknowledging that the trauma did occur and that it was not your fault.
2. Make sure that you are in control and that your past is not controlling you.  As shared in the link above, "When you're a victim, the past is in control of your present...when you have conquered your pain, the present is controlled by you."
3. Seek support from those you trust and love you.  Do not isolate yourself!
4. Focus on your health--a healthier mind and body will make it easier to cope with the current stress you are experiencing.
5. Let go of those negative experiences. "Letting go means no longer allowing your bad memories and feelings of a bad childhood to rob yourself of living a good life now."
6. Replace your bad habits with healthier ones.  For a time I let overeating and bulimia mask what I truly needed to face, and while I still occasionally eat my feelings instead of facing them, I mostly choose to be kind to myself.
7. The final suggestion from this article is one that really speaks to me in particular this week.  it is important for me to be patient with myself and acknowledge the great progress I have made.

         
I am hoping that if you are having difficulty making peace with the past that this may inspire you to live your present to the absolute fullest. The past can be crippling if we allow it to be--instead allow your inner strength to shine through and throw your past into the shadows where it belongs.  To rephrase a quote from my friend Kathryn, "You have a past, you are NOT your past!"

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.”

                                                            Steve Mariboli--Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the                                                                                           Human Experience

         A few hours ago I was running through some of the familiar trails behind my home when I noticed that my typical jaunt across the creek was a little more difficult than usual.  The bed in our creek has been bone dry since last winter, and despite the fact that we received very little rain from the storm last night, there was no easy way to cross at my usual point without going farther down the creek to cross.  This is no big deal, but it meant a little climb through the brush before reaching the path I typically take.  It hit me how little it takes to make s difference.  

                 This morning I did not go on my usual morning run...I had decided to sleep in and I was counting on the little bit of overnight rain cooling the air enough to make afternoon running bearable.  Those that have been following me for any amount of time understand how much I dread, dare I say HATE, running in the afternoon or evening.  But today, the cooler weather and the beautiful sky made a difference and I actually enjoyed running when the sun was high up in the sky.  And while I ran with Sean and another friend for part of the route, I actually ran for a couple of miles on my own and even this was not the usual torture I find it to be. That was all it took--that little difference in the weather made a usually dreaded activity not only bearable but actually enjoyable.  

         But sometimes, something that appears to be a little change can make a bigger impact than expected.  On this same run I began to notice the impact of the little rise in the economy in our area.  I often share how lucky I am to live in an area where I can practically walk out my front door and end up running through creeks, hills, and meadows.  My husband, running pals, and I love to spend our mornings running through this undeveloped area on a consistent basis.  Today we noticed that because of the stronger economy they are beginning to grade some of our outdoor playground in anticipation of possibly building another housing development.  I know that the people that lived in this area before my current house was built must have felt much the same way, but I was still sad to see the beginnings of this change in such a beautiful area. 

         Another way that small changes can make a big differences that I came across this week was a post about Halloween candy.  I don't know if you are like me, but at this time of year I find it particularly hard to resist the candy that is randomly placed within reach all over the place.  I will often mindlessly reach for a Fun Size Snickers or Twix bar with little thought as to how these small indulgences will affect me.  Do I really want to negate the effects of eating one small bag of Skittles by doing 100 push-ups or do 150 crunches to reverse the calorie intake of one little Crunch bar?  This really had me saying, "That's all it takes?" to the calories that I am consuming without even thinking about it.  One little bar/bag might not make too much of a difference, but before you think of raiding your child's Halloween bag or your leftover candy bowl be aware of how little it takes to pile up the calories.
         I can't end my blog on a negative tone so I will share two more little ideas that came to me this week about the difference seemingly small changes or gestures can make.  I am happy to share that I ran three days, got in a spin workout, and even fit in a swim this week.  While my eating is still not where I want it to be, the small changes I made in my exercise routine this week have lifted my spirits.  I also have to share that a few kind words shared by my fiends and family really put things into perspective for me.  One little saying in particular really hit home with me.  My friend Kathryn shared that, "I have a body.  I am not my body."  These little words were powerful to get my head back where it needs to be. I am not my weight gain, and I need to keep reminding myself of this on a consistent basis.  And that's all it took for me to get back on track to the healthier me.