Our Carlson/McCarthy 30 mile bike ride around Lake Elsinore
Is there anyone in this entire world that enjoys trying on swimsuits? If so, I am not sure I would like to be in the same room with the person that possesses a body perfect enough to find pleasure in swimsuit shopping. I find this process absolute torture! So why, despite the fact that we are well beyond bathing suit shopping season, was I subjecting myself to this kind of torture? Blame it on Ironman. Now that I am swimming three days a week, one training suit is just not enough. And the problem with actual swimming suits as opposed to bathing suits is that you cannot find them in your typical, everyday sizes. I know that I wear a size 10 bathing suit, but that was absolutely no help when I was trying to find a swim suit. The sizes were in the 20's and 30's and they made no sense to me. I decided to ask my friendly neighborhood sporting goods store worker, and after looking at the correlation tag, he suggested that I would need a 28--after all, he shared, the 38 and 40 in my hands looked huge. So, to err on the side of caution, I decided to try on suits in sizes 30 and 32.
What happened next was horrible. As I attempted to pull those suits over my much improved body, I had to squirm and tug and the result was something similar to what a ham or roast beef feels like when it is tied up to bake--the fat and flab was oozing out of all the straps, and it was not pretty. I truly wanted to cry. After all the hard work and training I have been doing, swimsuit shopping had me feeling like I was looking at that 230 pound person I used to be. What I later realized was that the man who had helped me with the sizes had directed me to size 4 and 6 suits. I don't even think I wore these sizes when I was 10 years-old. Once I had the more appropriate size 38 on, which was not huge despite what the salesman stated, the flabby parts stayed inside the suit instead of oozing out.
So why would I start a blog about gratitude with an anecdote such as this? Well, when I got home that night completely frustrated, humbled, and defeated from this experience, my husband not only told me I looked beautiful in my new swimsuit, but he also told me I was starting to look like a teenager because of my new healthy lifestyle. I am not only happy that I have a husband that still loves me for who I am and what I have become, but I am also thankful that over the years his eyesight has deteriorated enough that he does not see my wrinkles, stretch marks, and my still flabby parts.
The last couple weeks have been difficult for me because not only did I have the swimsuit experience, but I have also had some seeds of doubt creep into my my brain again--who am I to think I can actually survive Ironman training and complete this type of race? Last weekend, after a complete week of training in all three sports, I also rode 30 miles on Saturday, and woke up the next morning to swim 1200m and then run 10 miles. As I was running my final miles through wine country I began to think about how drained I was at that moment, and how I had not even come close to what I was going to have to produce for Ironman.
What happened next was horrible. As I attempted to pull those suits over my much improved body, I had to squirm and tug and the result was something similar to what a ham or roast beef feels like when it is tied up to bake--the fat and flab was oozing out of all the straps, and it was not pretty. I truly wanted to cry. After all the hard work and training I have been doing, swimsuit shopping had me feeling like I was looking at that 230 pound person I used to be. What I later realized was that the man who had helped me with the sizes had directed me to size 4 and 6 suits. I don't even think I wore these sizes when I was 10 years-old. Once I had the more appropriate size 38 on, which was not huge despite what the salesman stated, the flabby parts stayed inside the suit instead of oozing out.
So why would I start a blog about gratitude with an anecdote such as this? Well, when I got home that night completely frustrated, humbled, and defeated from this experience, my husband not only told me I looked beautiful in my new swimsuit, but he also told me I was starting to look like a teenager because of my new healthy lifestyle. I am not only happy that I have a husband that still loves me for who I am and what I have become, but I am also thankful that over the years his eyesight has deteriorated enough that he does not see my wrinkles, stretch marks, and my still flabby parts.
The last couple weeks have been difficult for me because not only did I have the swimsuit experience, but I have also had some seeds of doubt creep into my my brain again--who am I to think I can actually survive Ironman training and complete this type of race? Last weekend, after a complete week of training in all three sports, I also rode 30 miles on Saturday, and woke up the next morning to swim 1200m and then run 10 miles. As I was running my final miles through wine country I began to think about how drained I was at that moment, and how I had not even come close to what I was going to have to produce for Ironman.
When I arrived home, my daughter had posted the message in this photo on my mirror, "Belief triggers the power to do. Never give up I believe in you." It is funny how inspiration arrives when you most need it. I had not shared the swimsuit experience with her, nor had I expressed out loud that doubt had been creeping back into my head. She just knew that I needed a push, and she took it upon herself to inspire me. I am so thankful that I have a daughter that believes in me and wants me to succeed even though it requires her to watch Eoin so I can get my workouts in.
Never one to like his sister to get praise and not get some of his own, Eoin decided to make a sign as well to cheer me on, "Mom I know you can do it 'cause you have lightning and fight power." How can I have doubt when my son thinks I have such power within myself? How can I even think I am not capable when my daughter is a consistent example of never giving up even in the face of great adversity? My children and my husband know I can do this--why do I keep doubting my abilities when I am training so hard and so consistently? I am so grateful to have a family that supports me, believes in me, and will continue to remind me that I have more power in me than I realize.
I am also extremely grateful for the amazing friends I have. Not only can I convince a bunch of them to get up at god-awful hours to swim, bike, and run with me, but they also regularly post words of encouragement like the one to the right. Long distance races are extremely mental--half the battle is just achieving the right mindset. I can train hours, weeks, and months, but if I do not believe I can do this, if I do not persevere and I end up giving up on myself, all the hard work and training is for naught. That is why I count my lucky stars that I have a strong support of friends that will not let me believe anything other than the fact that come end of July I will be able to call myself an Ironman finisher.
Now while I am grateful for all things training related at this point, I would be negligent if I did not mention my gratitude for the basic things I have that make all this possible. I am so thankful for my health and the health of my friends and family. I am most thankful that Kay has not only made it through five weeks of chemo and radiation, but that she was even able to train throughout the process. Her doctors have given her glowing reports, and we all think that her kick-@$$ attitude has scared rectal cancer into backing down.
I am also thankful for the opportunity to live in a community where not only can I train all over, but I am surrounded by the most supportive and amazing people you can imagine. When I first moved here from the Pasadena area, their friendliness kind of freaked me out. Now I realize that when complete strangers stop to talk to you they do not have an ulterior motive, they are just being nice. In addition, I am grateful that I have a steady job working with the children in this community I love so much. No matter what the press tries to portray, I work with a hard-working bunch of people who love what they do despite the long hours, lack of funds, and ever increasing workload. We know we are lucky to be allowed to shape the future.
So even though I am very tired these days, I am continuing to maintain an attitude of gratitude. I am thankful for everything I have been given in life--I know I am a very lucky girl!
“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” --Albert Schweitzer
Now while I am grateful for all things training related at this point, I would be negligent if I did not mention my gratitude for the basic things I have that make all this possible. I am so thankful for my health and the health of my friends and family. I am most thankful that Kay has not only made it through five weeks of chemo and radiation, but that she was even able to train throughout the process. Her doctors have given her glowing reports, and we all think that her kick-@$$ attitude has scared rectal cancer into backing down.
I am also thankful for the opportunity to live in a community where not only can I train all over, but I am surrounded by the most supportive and amazing people you can imagine. When I first moved here from the Pasadena area, their friendliness kind of freaked me out. Now I realize that when complete strangers stop to talk to you they do not have an ulterior motive, they are just being nice. In addition, I am grateful that I have a steady job working with the children in this community I love so much. No matter what the press tries to portray, I work with a hard-working bunch of people who love what they do despite the long hours, lack of funds, and ever increasing workload. We know we are lucky to be allowed to shape the future.
So even though I am very tired these days, I am continuing to maintain an attitude of gratitude. I am thankful for everything I have been given in life--I know I am a very lucky girl!
“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” --Albert Schweitzer
RSS Feed
