I have come to the realization that sometimes when you think someone is the complete opposite of you, you can actually be more alike than you think. This is also a grass is always greener kind of tale as well. I will start by sharing a little about my son Eoin and his best friend. From the day these two boys met, it was apparent that they would be life-long friends. They can play for hours without ever once arguing, and they never get bored spending time together. They even love the same things--anything related to the movie Cars and lately, all things Lego. They even look alike. Anytime we take them out in public, they are mistaken for brothers. It is easy to understand why people would think this. They are both tall and thin for their ages, and both boys sport a mop of blond hair, although Eoin's appears to never have been touched by the bristles of a brush.
        I share this story because as much as these two boys are alike, if you saw their moms together the opposite thought would come into your head. I like to say I am 5'6", but the truth is that I am 5' 5 ¾", and she towers over me at 6 foot tall. She has long, blond, wavy hair, and my straight as a board brunette hair gets shorter everyday. I have always been a little self-conscious of my abnormally short legs, while her long, slender legs appear to go on forever!
        In addition to all this, my friend can eat non-stop without hardly gaining an ounce, while I honestly think I can gain weight by just looking at fattening food. But even with all these differences, we are so much alike that it is almost eerie.
        For one thing, both of us have been self-conscious of our weight for as long as we can remember. While I have always obsessed about being too heavy, she has spent most of her life trying to gain weight so her ribs and bones don't stick out too much. And I know it us hard to have sympathy for someone who is as tall and thin as my friend, but she spends as much time concerned about eating enough as I do about over eating.
        We also both have portions of our bodies that we have come to realize will never be perfect no matter how many hours we spend at the gym trying to improve said areas. I have shared the fact that because of two c-section scars, my stomach will always have a flap of skin that millions of crunches would never tighten. My friends thighs are so thin that I could probably wrap my hands around them and have my fingers touch. And the truth is that I could probably fix my problem area with a tummy tuck, while in her case, unless they start doing thigh implants she may never get the larger, muscular thighs she works so hard to achieve.
        And we both hate the whole process of shopping for clothes. My body shape makes finding clothes that fit very difficult. The combination of large rear end and tiny waist means that most pants I try on always flair out at the back where even a belt is of no use. Also, my short legs send me to the petite department because then I don't have to hem them up. Imagine being size 18+ and trying to find pants that fit you in the Petite Women's Department...that was my reality for more years than I would like to admit. This process got so painful that I began buying clothes I thought would fit without ever trying them on at the store. I found it easier to go through the long process of returning clothes to the store rather than seeing my reflection in a department store dressing room mirror. Even thinking about those days brings back very painful memories.
        When I was sharing this memory with my friend, she, too, feels the same way. And while she can't relate to my visits to the petite department, she does have difficulty finding pants that fit her correctly. Same issue, different problem. She has difficulty finding pants that are long enough for her legs. And like me, once she finds a pair that fit her, she buys then in every color she can find. She shared a funny story yesterday of finding cute pants in the petite department, only what would have been full length pants for me, were the cutest pair of clam digger length pants on her frame.
        And my friend is not the only person who I have met that has had difficulty gaining weight.  One of my high school buddies could not gain a pound no matter how much she ate. I remember having these conversations with her where I could not sympathize with her at all.  I could not fathom how it would possibly be a problem to be too skinny.  After all I was in the throws of bulimia and at 130 pounds I thought I was huge!
        What I have learned from being every size from 24 to 8 is that no matter what your size is, you can always find fault with how you look if you allow yourself to go there. I am not saying that we should not strive to be healthier, but what I am saying is that we need to stop nitpicking every little flaw we perceive.  At some point, we need to make peace with our little flaws and realize that no one else is as critical of us as we are of ourselves.  I don't profess to have the answers to how we go about loving those flaws, but maybe in pointing out how my friend and I at different ends of the spectrum both have the same body issues, just maybe we can stop judging ourselves so harshly.  We are beautiful just the way we are!

          This is probably my most controversial blog, and I am sorry if I ruffle a few feathers, but I feel something needs to be said.  When did it become okay for us to stop being nice and to attack people who are stepping out of their comfort zone and trying to do something challenging? I must admit, I even did it to myself when I was training for Ironman. I couldn't just be proud of the fact that I was strong enough to endure Ironman training.  I had to qualify it with a "I am a completer, not a competer," just in case anyone questioned my slower finishing time.
          What sent me into rant mode this week was the long distance swim community and their attack on Diana Nyad.  Honestly, with the amount of media coverage on her swim, what are the chances that she would even have the opportunity to cheat without someone catching her?  And even after a 3 1/2 hour Skype inquisition, the swim community is still grumbling in the background about her achievement.  What the heck?  So she caught a break with the current...how many times did she have the elements defeat her efforts?  Didn't she deserve a little break? 
        And for those that are ranting about her jellyfish mask...really? Kudos to her for being creative to solve her problem.  I only swam 2.4 miles for my Ironman, and I know that having to wear something like that would have killed me.  It probably made it hotter than hell, and the amount of chaffing she got--not to mention all the salt water going into that chaffing--probably felt miserable.  Besides, if long distance swimming rules are anything like triathlon rules, which states that you cannot wear anything that "propels you forward,"  which would include arm paddles, fins, etc, then I am thinking that unless she had some jet packs hidden inside that mask, it did not propel her forward or give her a particular time advantage. What is wrong with people?  Why do people feel it is okay for them to not only question her, but completely take the joy out of what should be an amazing time for Nyad?  Is it the whole Lance Armstrong cheating incident?  Well, not everyone is a big, fat cheater!
        I also started thinking about her jellyfish mask "controversy," and I wondered how record holders of the past would feel about all the modern athletes that have beaten their records using technological advances in sports equipment. For example, should we not have allowed carbon fiber bikes into racing because it gave them an unfair advantage over racers with steel framed ones from the past?  At some point we have to let advances in equipment take place, right? And the funny thing is that as I was thinking about this, I came across an interesting article on the changes in triathlon over the years: How Triathlon Was Different in the 1980's.
          I felt similar emotions while researching Tara Costa, who, after competing on The Biggest Loser, went on to complete the Kona Ironman Championship race.  I was curious to find out what her Kona finish time was to see how I measured up.  After all, we had both been well over 200 pounds, and we had both achieved our dreams of crossing the finish line at Ironman. She finished in 13:56 and not only blew my time out of the water, but she was able to accomplish this at one of the most difficult Ironman competitions out there. But guess what?  Some in the triathlon community attacked her because she had not actually "earned" her way into the competition.  She was admitted because she was a celebrity and therefore "did not deserve" to be there.  Really?  Did you see that finish time?  Maybe she did not get into the competition in the traditional way, but she brings recognition to the sport you all love so much.  That's how you get more sponsors interested in a sport that is not one of the big three: football, baseball, and basketball.  Again, what is wrong with people?  Why can't you just be amazed that someone can be inspired by what you all do, lose an amazing amount of weight, and then finish the race with more than three hours to spare?  To read more about Tara, check out these articles: Tara Costa Kona Ironman Article and Tara Costa Lake Placid Article
          And this kind of questioning is not unique to sports.  How many of you have experienced this at work?  People love you until you decide to step out and do something different.  In teaching, as long as you are in the classroom you are one of the teachers.  As soon as you step out into any kind of leadership role you all of a sudden become one of "them."  I have even been told that I have gone over to the "dark side" i.e. administration.  But the funny thing is that I am still a teacher and have no interest in administration.  I have longer hours than I did in the classroom, but I am not administration.  My job title for the last few years has been Teacher on Special Assignment not Administrator on Special Assignment.  Again, it is a small number of people who question my worthiness, but it hurts nonetheless. Why can't we just support those of us that decide to go on and take a different role or face a new challenge?
          You might be wondering how all this fits into a blog about health and fitness, but I have also experienced this kind of negativity and questioning in my weight loss journey as well.  It might be a little more subtle, but it is not very supportive either. A perfect example is the friend or relative who is quick to criticize a person's weight gain, but then that same person will be the first one to get upset when you do not say yes to the fattening and unhealthy foods they offer you. So it goes something like this, "Wow, you really need to watch your weight," but in the same breath, "Here, have a piece of my cheesecake that I slaved all day to make for you."  Please family and friends, when we say no to some kind of decadent treat, please, please do not take this personally.  We need every ounce of support we can get.
          I also witnessed a woman at Old Navy trying to purchase some jeans under the watchful eye of her husband.  She asked him what he thought about the jeans she was trying on and his comment to her was, "Well, those are just glorified stretch pants!"  So instead of being proud of her for fitting into jeans, he had to demean her by pointing out that she only fit into them because they were stretchy.  Now, that may have just been my take on the whole thing, but her defeated look kind of supported my hypothesis about her unsupportive husband.  The day I finally fit into a pair of jeans was a huge triumph for me, and I felt horrible that this woman was deprived of that same triumphant feeling.  Why can't these negative friends and relatives just support us instead of feeling like they need to knock us down when we are finally brave enough to stand up?
          In addition, people might not be so subtle. They might directly question why you want to change at all.  You might get the, "You are perfect just the way you are," or "Why would you want to run a marathon anyway?" Or if your spouse or family is not supportive of your change you might even get, "How are you going to find the time in your busy schedule to make healthy meals and fit in your exercise," as if you are not worth the time they perceive you are taking away from them.  I am extremely lucky to have a husband who realizes that the time I take to become healthier actually makes me a better wife and mother (not to mention the fact that he is not unhappy with the newer body he gets to see on a daily basis).  You might not have that support right now, but you really need to demand that your friends and family honor your need to be a healthier version of what you are at the present. You deserve to be healthy!
          So my final message for this week is more a series of questions: what is it that makes people feel the need to tear others down when they step out of their comfort zone to try to do something good for themselves or others? Why can't we all just be excited and proud for women like Diana Nyad and Tara Costa who push themselves to their limits?  And can we please not undermine our friends and family that want to get healthy despite the huge amount of obstacles in front of them?  So when you hear about someone standing up and tackling something they never thought they would ever be able to achieve, let's check that first instinct to focus on what might be wrong with their attempts, and instead stand up and support them! Life can throw enough obstacles at us in our lifetimes, so it would be nice if friends, families, and colleagues would not add to these.

                  This journey has always been about reaching your own other shore no matter
                                       what it is, and that dream continues.
                                                                                     Diana Nyad

        Since completing Vineman, I have been trying to figure out a good balance between the crazy workout schedule I kept to train for an Ironman length triathlon and my before Ironman routine.  Last year, I was running four days a week, biking three days a week, and swimming three days as well.  On most days I was working out between one and three hours, and on weekends I sometimes put in a six hour day.  It was a schedule that I was able to endure by going to bed ridiculously early and rising well before the sun.  This is not a schedule I could keep up indefinitely. However, I really don't want to stop training in all three sports...so I decided to just kept going.
          Luckily, I have some amazing friends who feel the same way as I do and are willing to get up early to work out with me.  I am still meeting the sunrise with my Tuesday/Thursday running group, swimming Wednesday/Friday with Karrie, and then my weekends are filled with more swimming and some long rides and runs.  Because I am still maintaining a pretty consistent workout regime, someone recently asked me, "What are you training for?" And I honestly wasn't sure how to answer that question.
          I have a few things I would like to sign up for, but I have nothing that is officially on the books.  So why is it that I am still getting up early six days a week to get my workouts in?  How am I staying motivated without having some difficult race hanging over my head?  Why don't I roll over when my alarm goes off?  Why am I still texting my training buddies daily to make sure they get out there with me on a consistent basis?  What am I training for?
          The answer to this question is very corny...I am training for life.  With my 231 pound body, I was not going to have a very quality, let alone a very long life.  With my borderline high blood pressure and the medications I was taking, there was a huge chance that I was not going to live long enough to see my youngest child go to college or get married. I had no energy to play with my kids, I was tired all the time, and I just couldn't go on living a life where I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.
          So I might not be training for some big race, but what I am training for is much more important than that.  Sure, I love my bling, but what I love more is what this new life has afforded me, and I am not going back!  I will continue to work out on a consistent basis.  I will have more races to train for in the future, but if I keep my eye on the fact that the biggest gift that has been given to me in the last few years is my new healthier body, I won't need those races to keep me moving forward.  I will move forward because the healthier me will have more energy, will be able to keep up with my kids, and I will live long enough to see all my children graduate and start their own families.  What am I training for?  I am training for LIFE!