As I shared in my blog last week, we lost our longtime canine companion, Nikolai.  While recently Nikki has been too sick to do much of anything, most of his life was filled with all the things dogs love most: good food, days of playing and resting, and lots of love from his family.  In order to focus on the good times, and not dwell on the sadness of our loss, I began to think of all the things I could learn from Nikki and our other dogs Brandy and Aidan.

            Nikki didn’t care what anybody thought about him. He was a goofy puppy almost to the end. He pranced around with this little dance that always made us laugh...but Nikki didn’t care.  In some ways I wish I could be that unselfconscious. It would make life so much easier if I just worried about what I thought instead of always wondering, “Does this outfit make me look fat? Should I wear this tank top when my arms are still a little flabby? Can I get away with wearing the pants and shirts that actually fit me even though I have a little muffin top around the middle?”  Wouldn’t it be nice to just wag your tail or prance around without a care as to what others thought of you? Sigh…I have a ways to go with this one.

            Nikki enjoyed his food so much that hours before his mealtimes he would prance around trying to get us to feed him.  We could hardly get the food in the bowl before his nose was nudging our hands away so he could get to his beloved morsels.  And once he got going, he never looked up until every bite was gone.  Then he would go to each dogs’ bowl and lick it clean just in case they left a little bite by accident.  While this is definitely an eating behavior that I want to avoid, it is his after dinner behavior that I want to emulate.  When Nikki was done with his meal, he would then run around the yard, go for a nice swim in the pool, or run up and down the fence barking at anything on the other side that dared to move.  He always got in his daily exercise, got plenty of rest, and even managed to cross train in his own doggy way.

            While I adored Nikki and will miss him terribly, he was not always the easiest dog.  As a puppy he chewed up our sprinkler heads quicker than Sean could replace them.  He barked for hours on end without stopping when the gardener or the pool guy were at our house, and at the end of his life, his stomach was so weak that he often couldn’t keep food down.  And while 75% of our house is tiled, he would always choose a nice, clean area of carpet on which to lose his dinner.  While these habits are not ones I hope to repeat, I do wish I could I could forgive myself as easily as Nikki could.  After being put outside by his very frustrated family, he would initially seem sad, but he moved on quickly.  He forgot the bad things almost immediately...something I can learn from.  This week was not an easy one for me—too much work, not enough running, sleepless nights, every dinner eaten out at a restaurant, and there may have even been some chocolate involved.  I want to be more like Nikki in my ability to quickly get over my mistakes.  I feel I have come a long way, but I still need to remind myself that when I take a detour, it is okay.  I just need to get right back on the road to flabulous and move on.

        Another lesson I could learn from Nikki and my other dogs is that life is too short to let stress take over your life.  While I let stress drive me to eat unhealthy foods in large amounts, my dogs never seem to stress at all.  When they eat, it is because they love their food, not because something or someone upset them.  They don’t stress that the dog next door barked at them in anger.  They don’t worry about where their next meal is coming from.  They just live each day to the fullest without letting life get them down.

         Now I know I am stretching it a bit with some of the comparisons, but wouldn’t life be so much easier if our view on life were a little more like a dog’s.  Enjoy your food, just remember to get in some exercise, don’t let stress take over your life, and care a little less about what others think about you.  It is not too late to teach an old human new tricks, so let’s get out there and wag our tails with abandon even if all the flabby parts don’t move the way we want them to.  After all, if we don’t love ourselves exactly the way we are, who will?

Goodbye Nikki...we will miss you!

       The one thing about struggling with my weight for so many years is that I know a lot about the subject.  I wouldn’t say I was a weight loss pro, but I might actually qualify as a semi-pro.  Or to be more accurate, probably a weight loss/weight gain specialist.  One of the things I have learned is that there are many weight loss myths that need to be debunked before you can truly lose and keep the weight off.  This week I have decided to share a few of the most important lessons I have learned on my journey to flabulous.

            Myth 1) Skipping breakfast (or any other meal) is a good idea because it will lower your calorie intake:  This is one that is really hard to get your head around.  I actually lost weight when I started to eat more.  Once I started eating three healthy meals a day and adding in a couple snacks a day (no, not Cinnamon Toast Crunch) so that I was eating reasonable portions and food portions about every three hours, the weight actually started to fall off.  And guess what, I didn’t have those terrible binge eating episodes as often because I wasn’t starving myself.

            Myth 2) There is some diet or pill that is going to be the answer to your weight problems: The truth is that there is no magic program or pill.  The true secret to losing weight and keeping it off is calories in and calories out.  It is that simple.  Now those calories you put in should be quality ones, but it really is as simple as watching your portions and getting out there and moving your body.  This leads me to the next myth.

            Myth 3) You can lose weight without exercising: As stated above, in order to lose weight and keep it off you need to work off more calories that you take in.  While many calories are burned by just doing your everyday activities like gardening, cleaning your house, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator, the truth is that for many of us, this is not enough to lose weight.  The difficulty is that in order to lose weight without exercising you have to limit your calories so severely that you end up cheating.  There is only so long you can be good when you are constantly depriving yourself.  I have found that it is better to eat a little more of the foods you love, within reason, and the exercise will help you lose or maintain your weight.  In addition, I find that I actually feel better and have more energy when I get out there and move.  My days are always better when I start them out with a nice run or bike ride into the sunrise.

            Myth 4) In order to lose weight you have to cut out carbs: While I have lost many pounds on low-carb diets, I have also gained every pound back and then some.  I have come to realize that the key to life-long weight loss is to eat a balanced diet—one with lots of lean proteins, fruits, veggies, and whole grains.  If you eat this way most of the time, you will find you can actually eat more food than you ever thought you could while still losing the weight.  I say most of the time because if you deprive yourself of all decadent foods, again you will most likely find yourself being drawn toward them, which may lead to binges.  If you allow yourself a treat every once in a while, you will be less likely to feel guilty about that indulgence.

        Myth 5) When you are pregnant you are eating for two:  To all my pregnant friends out there, do not get sucked into this myth.  When you are pregnant you need to eat a healthy, balanced diet with more dairy products and protein, but you are not eating for two.  How much food does a baby need when it weighs less than ten pounds?  It is this myth that had me carrying “baby weight” when my kids were 15 and 9 year-olds. (This is such a prevalent excuse, even my husband tried to use it to explain the weight he gained following the birth of Eoin--he never was very good at biology).  When you let yourself get that far off track it is really hard to get back to your normal weight.  I know that Hollywood would like us to believe you can have a baby and be back to your normal weight right away.  Truth is, most of us can't afford a personal trainer or chef to get us back into shape, so it is better to just gain the 25-35 pounds doctors recommend is healthy for mom and baby.  That way you are not facing an overwhelming challenge following your pregnancy of trying to fit in exercise and eating completely healthy meals while taking care of a newborn that most likely will deprive you of your usual 6-8 hours of nightly sleep.

        Hopefully by debunking these myths you will learn how to change your life for the better.  It took me thirty years to learn these lessons.  May you learn from my experiences so that you, too, can be on your own journey to flabulous.

         When I go to write my blog every week I try to be as open and honest as possible so that you can see that you are not alone.  I want to say I have “been” there meaning that I no longer make bad choices, but the truth is, I will at times slip back into my old habits when I am not diligent.  These days, the difference is I recognize my detours and confront them head-on without beating myself up about these little (or sometimes not so little) missteps.  However, this week I have decided to air some of my low points so you can see that these missteps are not the end of the world nor the end of your journey toward a more healthy you.

         Secret #1: About six months ago, I had a rather large detour where it concerns my eating.  I was still exercising regularly, but while I was eating very healthy food during my main meals, the snacking was moving me in the wrong direction.  Now if I didn’t have children, none of these tempting foods would be in my house.  I have, however, decided not to deprive them of everything tasty, because I want them to learn to balance the good, healthy food with a little of the sometimes foods like chips (baked), ice cream (Skinny Cows), and my nemesis, Cinnamon Toast Crunch (no healthy version for this one). On one particularly off day, I ate way more than I should have and I actually, for just one little second, thought of taking the easy way out.  The very next second my brain reminded me of how miserably sick I was in the throws of my eating disorder, and I made the better decision to just go for a little longer run the next day.

         While I made the right decision, it worried me that my mind had even gone there.  It made me realize that I need to continue to be nice to myself even when I am not “perfect.” We will all have days that cause us to stress eat, to eat larger portions than are necessary, to eat foods that have no nutritional value, but we all need to learn to move on.  Every meal, every day is a new chance to start over.  It is when we give up on ourselves and decide to move back into our old habits permanently that we are in trouble.

         Also, I worked so hard to do this the right way (exercise and healthy eating), I could not let my old demons and unhealthy focus on perfection make me lose sight of the fact that I am in this for the long haul.  There is no next time or next diet for me (did I just use the D-word?).  This is my final journey and good days or bad days, I need to just move on with what has worked for the last two years.     

         Secret #2: There are many mornings that I wake up and don’t want to go running or biking.  I think, “What the heck, 5:30? What was I thinking when I set my alarm last night?” I never want anyone to think it is easy to get my exercise in.  Here is the secret to why I get up despite my head trying to entice me back into my warm, cozy bed.  Before I can think too much about it, I put my feet on the floor and head towards my already laid out workout clothes.  The reason I can do this is that I know that as much as I hate starting out, and I did say hate, I always feel great once I get back from a long run or a great bike ride. I have also learned that I cannot depend on myself to actually do my workouts if I do not do them in the morning.  You have to know this about yourself and make time, even if it is some god-awful time like 5 AM, or you will find excuses not to do what you know is right.

        Secret #3: I am secretly worried about slipping back into my old habits.  No matter how successful I am, at the back of my mind there is this little voice that sometimes reminds me that I have never been successful in the past.  What makes me think I can actually keep off the weight this time and continue with my healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life?  Luckily, I also have another voice that reminds me that I CAN do this.  Bad days, bad weeks, injuries that keep me from running, I CAN do this.  I also have this little blog that makes me feel a little accountable for not straying too far. I know that every week I need to confess the good and the not so good in this blog, so it helps to remind me that I need to jump right back to my healthy eating and continue my exercise not matter what that negative voice tells me.

         As I was running yesterday morning the Avril Lavigne song “Keep Holding On,” was playing on my iPod, and the lyrics really resonated with me (see below).  Know that you are not alone.  You have your family, you have your friends, and for what it is worth, you have me. I will be here to remind you that you can do it.  Don’t give into those negative voices, because this is the time to change your life for the better, forever.

"Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

         Tomorrow I will be running half-marathon number seven.  Now if I compared myself to my marathon maniac and half-fanatic friends this would seem like a small number looking at what they all have on their running resumes.  I, however, continue to marvel at the fact that I have even been able to complete one without permanent injury.  I was, after all, over 200 pounds when I started this whole running journey.  Running five minutes straight without feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest seemed unattainable, let alone running 13.1 miles.

         A little over a year ago I ran my first half at the Disneyland Theme Parks—still my favorite run of all.  My goal for that race was just to complete the race without being swept off the course for going over their 3½-hour maximum.  I came in at a commendable 2:59 and got my first piece of racing bling, my Mickey Mouse medal.  Despite hardly being able to move for two-weeks after that, I decided to try another, and another, and ANOTHER until here I am at number seven.

         Now those who have been following me for a while know that I have not been sitting on my laurels between races.  I have run 10Ks, mud runs, started biking and swimming, all to stay in shape for my half-marathons.  Running is an addiction—thank God a very healthy one.  I can’t explain why I find so much enjoyment from pounding my joints on the pavement for hours on end.  Maybe it is because I have conquered something I never thought I could do.  Maybe it’s because with every strike my foot makes on the ground I am one step closer to the more flabulous me.  Or maybe it is just that I enjoy being outside in the fresh air and watching the beautiful landscape as I race past it.  Whatever it is, I am hooked!

         Tomorrow I will be completing The Beach Cities Challenge with the 3rd race in the series, The Long Beach Half.  Having completed Surf City and The OC earlier this year, I will be finishing my first running challenge and will be rewarded with an additional medal.  Not that the bling is what it is all about, but it sure feels good around my neck after a long, grueling 13.1 mile run.  Notice my half-marathon bling collection at the beginning of this blog—okay, I’m proud!

         So as I carbo-load to make sure I have enough energy for tomorrow, and drink enough water so I am fully hydrated, I am as excited about race #7 as I was about the very first one.  Maybe that is what I love about racing—each race is a new adventure just waiting for me to tackle it and come out at the end a successful and more seasoned runner...Long Beach Half-Marathon here I come!

            So, after surviving my first mud run in Murrieta, I decided that it was still a good idea to do the Survivor Mud Run in Lake Elsinore despite the fact that I had a half marathon a mere two weeks away.  Each mud pit in the Murrieta run was an opportunity to twist an ankle, injure a knee, or aggravate my Achilles when my shoes got sucked into the thick, sticky mud.  This is why I was a little worried about this race. One thing that comforted me was that my Dirty Chick mud running partners, having run the Survivor before, had assured me there were more obstacles than mud in this race.  Unfortunately, they had changed the course and there would be plenty of mud in my future.           

            Once again my Dirty Chick teammates Kay and Julie joined me, as well as my friend Emily dressed as a patriotic Captain America’s daughter complete with bright red hair. As we waited for our heat to begin, we looked around the Storm baseball stadium at our final obstacles.  For the last ¼ mile we would be climbing up and over a 10-foot cargo net wall and running through a huge tire obstacle…and that was just the end of the race. 

            Ten minutes later, our heat began and we found ourselves racing through the hot and dusty landscape toward a dozen and a half challenging obstacles.  Now I have really worked on my cardio vascular endurance and my leg strength, but I have the weakest arms in the world (and I really think this is no exaggeration).  So as I approached the seemingly endless concrete barriers that we were to scramble over, I was a little worried about how I was going to make it over them.  It was not pretty, but I climbed over them sideways without looking too awkward. However, my arms were already hurting (I told you my arms were weak). 

           The next two obstacles were not as difficult as they involved my legs (I had to climb over a 15 foot mud wall and a mountain of hay bales), but the next obstacles were hurdles even higher than the concrete barriers.  Darn wimpy arms!  I have to admit I crawled over the hurdles in a most embarrassing manner—toosh up in the air trying not to land on my head as I made it over the other side.  Five hurdles later I was headed toward four different mud obstacles: two mud pits, a mud puddle where we had to climb over and under huge logs, and monkey bars over another mud puddle.  Confession time: again, because of my noodle arms, I chose to just dive into the muddy water rather than embarrass myself by showing that I couldn’t even move across one bar before I fell in anyway. 

            By this time I was covered in mud, soaked to the bone, but believe it or not enjoying every minute of it.  This time last year I would never have dreamed I could even attempt a race like this and here I was doing my second mud run in two weeks.  Despite being completely exhausted, I couldn’t wait to see what was coming up next.

            My next challenge was crawling through long metal tubes on my hands and knees.  I was wishing I had worn longer shorts as my knees were all scraped up, but I made it through fairly easily.  At this point I was more than halfway through the 3.87-mile course, and the fun was just starting.  The next obstacle made the whole race worth it.  As we headed toward the lake, up ahead was an inflatable waterslide that ended with a huge splash into Lake Elsinore.  This was so much fun I honestly would have run back up the hill to do it again!

            The last legs of the race consisted mostly of running up and down rocky hills and swimming through the lake before the stadium that was directly ahead.  I knew that I still had to climb over the tall cargo net and run through about 200 tires, but what I hadn’t seen was the woven spider web of rubber ropes that had been hidden behind the homerun fence.  This was a lot harder than it looked because as you climb over and under the ropes, other runners were pulling and pushing the ropes so they could get through as well.

            At last I was headed toward the cargo net.  Amazingly, this was probably one of the easiest obstacles, and I headed right up and over toward the tires.  I managed to run through the tires without tripping and was so relieved to see the finish line until I noticed the last mud obstacle right at the end.  After having washed some of the mud off in the lake, I now had to swim through mud under ropes before crawling out the other end and running to the finish line…and my medal.

            I crossed the finish line in a not-stellar 1:01, but I was proud of myself for finishing such a challenging course without injuring myself.  I was even able to do a 10-mile run the next day in order to get some final miles in before my half in Long Beach.  Over the last year I have pushed my body to do things I never even dreamed I could do.  Who would have thought that an overweight, inactive mother of three could have come this far?  Certainly not me.  But I am starting to realize that when we put our minds to something, we are all capable of great and amazing things.