I am not a dancer. About the only time I can let loose enough to allow others to see me dance is when I drink, and since I don't drink either, catching me dancing is like spotting the Loch Ness Monster or happening across Big Foot on your weekend hike. Despite this fact, Kay's post about making stumbling a part of your dance routine resonated with me this week. Maybe it is because some of my favorite movies involve dancing--Grease, Footloose, and my all time favorite, Dirty Dancing. You might find it ironic that I love dancing movies but dislike actually dancing, but when you know me well you realize that at heart I am a very insecure person, especially when it involves my body. It sounds silly, but I feel like everyone is watching me when I dance, much like I sometimes feel that all eyes are on my continually changing body size.
Right now I am a stumbling mess, but I continue to throw my arms up and move in gratitude for all that is going well in my life. So what if I am not in fighting shape right now, I know that focussing on the negative will not change things, so I choose to remain positive and grateful for all that I have and consider my stumbling a part of the dance that is my life.
I have an amazing family and a strong network of friends that love me even if I am more roly-poly than usual. I am not where I want to be right now, but this does not change who I am inside. I think my biggest flaw is not my weight...it is my continued focus on that weight that brings me down. I must admit that I am so much better than I used to be. In the past these little fluctuations would throw me into eating disorder mode. Now I just get all complainy and whiney on my blog--sorry readers, but this way of dealing with my feelings is much better for my health. I hope that when I stumble and write about it someone else will be inspired to take a more positive slant with difficulties in their own lives.
The great thing about all this support is that while I stumble through my dance, I have many people that inspire me to keep moving forward. I may have lost a little of my own drive, but watching my friends and family push themselves inspires me to keep trying. I have three friends that are now working toward their first Ironman length races, and I can proudly say that they saw me accomplish my dream and now have started on their own journey. I am inspired by so many of you, and I thank you for inspiring me to move forward in my journey.
The beauty about life and this journey is that sometimes we are the inspiration that inspires others to make changes, and sometimes we look to others to inspire us to do better and to push ourselves--even those that we do not know personally. As I sit here and write this blog, I am watching my favorite Sunday morning show, CBS This Morning. And as I worry about how to get the "healthy me" mojo back, I am reminded about how small my "problem" is in the whole scheme of what is going on in the world and what others are having to deal with. At least I am still able to dance, no matter how much I stumble. The show this morning highlighted a 19 year-old girl named Lauren Hill that has a true, not within her control issue to deal with. She has terminal brain cancer. She has a real reason to stumble and yet this girl, weeks away from her life being over, is fulfilling her dream of playing college basketball. Despite being incredibly sick, she goes to early morning practices and is set to play in her very first college game next weekend. Want to be inspired? Think about anything you are facing right now and realize that it could be worse...much, much worse. Not to minimize what we are all going through, but I think that putting things into perspective can remind us to push forward through the challenges we are facing. Lauren Hill's Story
So this week I am putting things into perspective and finding inspiration all around me. I may stumble around a bit at times, but I will continue to make it a part of my dance. Right now I may be sitting in the corner watching others dance around, but to quote one of my favorite lines from Dirty Dancing, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" I will be out of my corner soon and dancing around not caring a bit what others are thinking about me. I will just enjoy the dance and hope my dance will once again encourage others to join me on the floor.