When I was a little girl, I remember thinking that the days would never end.  I would wake up with little expectation of all the things I had to accomplish that day, and for the most part, I was just able to do what my heart desired.  Even after I entered school, I knew that once I ran out of my classroom at 3:00pm, I could go out and play with my neighborhood friends until the sun went down. 
         But the older I got, every year that passed, time seemed to go faster and faster. What happened to all those long, lazy days, because now life just seems to fly by? On Friday we celebrated my oldest son's twenty-fourth birthday, which was bad enough...how could I be old enough to have a son that is more than two decades old?  But to add insult to injury, my baby, my last, my caboose child turned seven yesterday. How could my final child be that old already? I remember promising myself that I would enjoy every minute of this child's life, because I felt my two oldest got the short end of the stick.  We had to work so hard when they were little, life was just beginning for us as a family, and we had to work two and three jobs to make ends meet. In the blink of an eye Niall was off to college and Siobhan was entering high school.
         Then we were blessed with our little Eoin who is the perfect third child. He will not allow us to ignore him. He demands our attention, which I am very thankful for, but how did seven years pass so quickly?  He is now in school full day, and I know that if I allow it to happen, he will be off to college before I know it.
         How to balance it all?? And today's blog is mostly to remind myself of what I already know. Work will always be there, but the time you miss with your family and friends is hard to get back. I think it is important that we all make time to spend with those we love, and, because I know this is important to your physical health, make time to take care of yourself as well. Time will continue to fly by, because life is like that, but remember to be present in your life.  Try not to let work take over, and spend as much time as you can with those you love.  As the old saying goes, at the end of your life you will never wish you had worked more, but you will most likely wish you had more time with the special people in your life. Now hopefully I can follow my own advice...

      It's funny how sometimes as you move through the world, occasionally you will stumble across a perfect metaphor for life. Today was one of those days.  With the start of school, with the start of work days lasting from early morning until late at night, with life, health, and everything just taking over, it has been a rough month or two around here.  The hardest part for a very social me is that I have been missing contact with some of my most trusted and constant friends, not to mention that my only daughter is now more than a thousand miles away attending college in Montana. Lots of changes around here, but life is good. 
       As you might have noticed, on the weekends, I love to do races. Long races, short races, races with bling, races with costumes, and the list goes on and on.  Today was mud racing day, and the special part about this morning's race is that it was the first time in more than a month that Kay was able to come out and play with us.  With starting back to work and being the loving support behind her husband Jim's cancer journey, her plate has been full and her days exhausting.  
      This morning Jim (as spectator and photographer) and Kay joined Mark, Emily and I for a little fun, a little mud, and a little obstacle course craziness. As I trudged through the course with Emily and Kay by my side, I was struck by the lessons that could be learned from our mud running experience.
       Sometimes life tries to suck you down to the depths, and you have to fight like hell to pull yourself back up again.  There were times during this race that the mud was so thick that your shoes and feet would stick, and we had to struggle to keep our shoes from getting sucked off our feet.  No matter how hard the struggle, it was worth it because soon we were back on flat ground where we could run freely and quickly through the course--back to a flat and easy run.
       It was important that Kay, Emily, and I stick together today.  This was not a race done for time, because it was more important to make sure that we all made it through the obstacles safely.  There were slippery, muddy hills that we had to help each other conquer, mud pits to pull each other through, rope obstacles to lend a helping hand, because alone we were not as powerful. There was a point in this race where not only were Emily's shoes stuck in the pit, but she fell backwards in a position where she had no leverage to move herself forward.  She needed help to pull herself up so she could move forward in the race.  In life we need each other to face those mountains that try to get in our way.  We can be strong alone, but together we are a force to be reckoned with.

        Never, never, NEVER give up on yourself! No matter how tough life is, no matter how scared you are, you will push through and find your way out of the challenges.  As I have shared before in my blogs, nothing scares me more than heights.  It is a phobia I have had since childhood, and to this day I hesitate when it comes to situations that force me to deal with this fear.  Visiting the Grand Canyon with my family was hell, because as I reached the edge, the landscape around me began to shift--heights actually make me physically dizzy. Today I had to climb over a very tall rope obstacle, and at the summit you can see right down to the bottom giving me full view of how high I was from the ground. I forced myself to take a deep breath and not let my fears stop me from completing this obstacle. Never underestimate what you are capable of when you push through fear.
       Sometimes you need to just let go and have a little fun.  Life can be so serious, so challenging, so unbelievably exhausting if you do not set aside time to get out there and play.  My dad always wonders why I time every run and why sometimes I don't just get out there and run for the joy of running--dad, this was pure fun.  No GPS, no music, just running with my friends, playing in the mud, and topping it off with an exhilarating trip, twice, down a huge water slide into the lake.
        As we all get out there into the real world next week, remember to push through the difficult parts, stick together and support others along the way, don't give up on yourself no matter how difficult it gets, and don't forget to make time for some fun.  These muddy lessons learned should help us move forward and enjoy the journey along the way!

         My blog is a funny thing. Last night when I went to bed, I had a whole different blog in my head that I was going to write this morning. But sometime in the night, this idea for a blog jumped into my head, mixed all around my brain, and this morning it was just scratching to get out and to be written down on paper. I know it sounds funny, but I think it is my way of dealing with things that are bothering me, that are exciting me, or that I just need to work out in a different way. 
        I think this blog was inspired because yesterday I was feeling so frustrated with myself. In the middle of the night I just remember mulling everything over in my mind, and in the end my final response was, "WHATEVER," only when you read this word it needs to be read in a very flippant, defiant, teenager-like voice to get the full effect. And what I have learned about myself is that I do not do well with anyone telling me what I can and cannot do, and this includes my own internal voices.  
         The point in time when I figured this out about myself is when my friend Karrie asked me to do Ironman. My automatic response to her was, "I could never do that! Look at me...I can barely run a half-marathon." The more I thought about it, the madder I got at myself. How could I possibly know what I am capable of if I don't even try? Lack of belief in me brings out a stubborn "let me prove you wrong" side that moves me forward no matter how difficult the task is for me to achieve. My anger at having people, including myself, not believe in me changed my internal voice from "whatever" to "WHATEVER IT TAKES!"
         It was at this point that I realized that the word/phrase "whatever" can have two completely opposite meanings.  One meaning enables us to just throw it to the wind and allow chance to determine the outcome. The other meaning places us in a position of power to change even what seems to be an insurmountable challenge. In our district we are working on guiding the mindset of teachers, students and their families to have a stronger growth mindset.  Basically what separates those that succeed from those that do not is a belief that talents and abilities can be developed with hard work and determination.  This morning I came across a great article by Carol Dweck on the topic of mindset in sports. She states, "People with a growth mindset...think of talents and abilities as things they can develop—as potentials that come to fruition through effort, practice, and instruction. They don’t believe that everyone has the same potential or that anyone can be Michael Phelps, but they understand that even Michael Phelps wouldn’t be Michael Phelps without years of passionate and dedicated practice. In the growth mindset, talent is something you build on and develop, not something you simply display to the world and try to coast to success on." I had a fixed mindset about my ability to tackle and complete an Ironman length race. Once I switched to a growth mindset, not allowing anyone or anything to make me feel inadequate, I worked hard, trained hard, and in the end I did the "impossible"--I can now call myself an Ironman! See bottom of blog for full article
         What I am trying to convey to you this week, and to myself in the process, is that if we just say "whatever," it means that external factors have more power over us than the things we do to make changes. This is a very powerless position. It's time that we take over and get back in the driver's seat when it comes to our health and other areas where we need to make change. Am I going to let the negative thoughts in my head prove me to be a failure, or am I going to get angry and use these thoughts to get me back on track to my growth mindset? I am done wallowing in my pool of misery over gaining some of my weight back.  These negative thoughts are not moving me forward, and I need to  remind myself that I am stronger than food, I am stronger than the will to sleep in, and I am stronger than the scale to determine what my next steps are.  And the beauty of having so many of you behind me is that I know that we will all hold each other accountable to continue on the road to flabulous.

that you not only get to run through both parks, but you also get to run through Angel Stadium and see yourself on the Jumbotron. And all the fans cheering in the stands at the stadium don't hurt to drive you on either!
This year was no exception. I loved the 10K on Saturday, because that is the distance I love to run. I was able to run this Lilo and Stitch themed race in just over an hour even with falling in the first few minutes of the race and stopping to take pictures of characters and with friends. But there is something special about this half marathon!
        To begin with, I think any time you do a "first," it is going to have a special place in your heart. This race four years ago was the first time I proved to myself that I could run long distances, it headed me on my road to a better more improved me, and I met some lifelong friends training to conquer this 13.1 mile race. 
          I also feel it is special because of the people who choose to participate in this race. The volunteers are amazing, the costumes people wear are unbelievable, and the number of people that choose to perform along the race to entertain the racers is unbelievable! In addition to the characters, there were also the usual Polynesian dancers, mariachi band, high school marching bands, cheerleaders and dancers, and they added hundreds of classic cars since I last ran this race last time. There was no way to get bored, and the miles flew by because of this.  
        Personally it was also special because I was running it with friends. My friend Kim, my college buddy, came down from Northern California for the entire weekend, and my morning running partner Mark got to join me to do his first Disney race as well. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to gather your friends around you to do these things. It is so much more fun when you're not doing it alone!
        This race takes off early, just like the 10K, so I was at the start line again by five in the morning for our 5:30am start. And as my friend Mark shared on his Facebook post before the race, we were surrounded by thousands of our closest running friends.  Once the race began for us, it was a quick run through California Adventure and Disneyland before hitting the streets of Anaheim toward Angel Stadium.  Once you run through the stadium, are energized by the screaming fans in the stands, and see yourself on the Jumbotron, it is just a little more than a quick 5K to the finish line.
         This was no piece of cake because of the heat and humidity, but thankfully the sun did not break through the clouds until I finished the race.  I also ran across my friend Stephanie with Team in Training twice during this route, and I even ran into the Leukemia Survivor who I photographed four years ago and is in the photo collage at the top of my blog.  I was so proud of this race.  Four years ago I ran it in just barely under three hours, and I finished this race in 2:24:16, a full thirty-five minutes faster than I ran this race the first time. While this is nowhere near a PR for me on this race length, considering the number of times I stopped to take pictures and hug people, this was a triumph.  I felt great after completing both the 10K and the half-marathon in one weekend, and I actually felt good enough to think about running on Tuesday before deciding I really needed to rest my body instead no matter how good I was feeling.  I honestly felt like I had been sprinkled by Tink's magical fairy dust...and then I had to leave the protection of the Disney magic glow.

         Magic is temporary, and then life takes over. There is no magic pill, no magic diet/eating plan, or any other kind of magic that takes the place of hard work, dedication, and focus to get back on and stay on my road to a more flabulous me.  The reality is that I am struggling once again.  I wonder how long you will all continue to follow me when you realize I do not have all the answers.  I am human, and life interrupts all my best plans to keep it all together. While I absolutely love the staff that I am working with, it is honestly the best place they could have placed me, learning the new job in addition to all the other jobs I still have is making it so much more difficult to be good.  I am not sleeping, I am not eating the right things, and yesterday my blood pressure was a not so good 160/100. Trying to balance my different jobs at work, keeping up with my home, fitting in exercise, and finding some time to hang out with my family and friends is honestly stressing me out, which leads to the carelessness with my healthy lifestyle.
           Now before I get messages about how hard I am being on myself, please know that I am aware that I have made incredible progress and that I am miles away from the old me, but I do know that I need to gain some sort of control.  I continue to work out consistently, which is my saving grace, but no amount of working out is going to counter my crazy eating choices. It is time to remind myself that I can only do the best I can given the amount of time I have in one day, take some nice deep breaths to center myself, and then continue to push forward focussing on the strategies I know work best for me.  I am a survivor and I survive this little bump in the road.