As I look back at my last post, it is hard to imagine how almost two months have passed without a blog for me to share my feelings, my experiences, my struggles, my triumphs, my everything.  It's not like I haven't tried. Each week I look at my computer and try to make the words spill out onto the screen, but lately my brain has been like a dam holding back everything that has been rolling around in my head. I have been trying to analyze the reasons why I feel so stifled, but that too was making it difficult to motivate myself to write. So suffice it to say that I have been away, but I am back from who knows where.

This weekend I ran Nanny Goat for the second time, my first ultra marathon since I ran the 50K in North Carolina in December. Last year Nanny Goat was going to be my first 100 mile race, but because of a knee injury I was forced to walk the entire 24-hours. I did complete 52 miles at Nanny Goat for my first ultra marathon finish. This weekend I competed in the 12-hour event, but I chose to start at 8pm and do the second twelve hours of the event. This is challenging for me because I am a big time morning person. For my EC 100, the hours between midnight and dawn were rough. So this year as I ran from 8pm-8am,  it was challenging to say the least.

First, this course is more challenging than you would imagine a one-mile loop through a horse farm would be. Not having to find a crew, a pacer, and not having to arrange a van to follow along like the EC 100 made planning for this race much easier. However, while the EC100 had hills to contend with, overall, the course itself was fairly easy. Nanny Goat, on the other hand, was full of hazards just waiting for my crazy legs to trip over.  The race starts at the outside of a barn (see the picture above for the size of this barn). The runner then moves through a grove of orange trees on a flat dirt path until a turn onto an asphalt out and back.  This asphalt is full of cracks, gravel, sand, and huge pot holes. These hazards were difficult to maneuver during the daylight hours, but were even more treacherous in the dark. This road then leads the runners along another dirt path to the most difficult portion for the runners.  There is a very uneven grassy path where gophers have made the area a difficult place to maneuver.  Last year, I almost had to tippy toe through this part so that my blisters didn't kill me as the bumpy grass pushed on my feet.  Then as the path turns off the grass, the runner is faced with raised tree roots to avoid before turning again onto the flattest portion of the course that then leads through the barn where it all starts over again.

My first sixteen miles were actually very strong.  I ran consistent 12-14 minute mile loops and felt good running over even the most difficult sections of the course. I was analyzing the course during the daylight, so I knew what I needed to avoid at night when the visibility would be diminished. My buddy Mark drove up and ran some of those first night miles with me. Keep your eyes on the ground in front of you, watch for the hazards in the road, and keep relentlessly moving forward! That was my mantra throughout the dark hours.  

I actually signed up for this race to run with my EC100 partner, Gabby. Gabby was so strong! Despite the difficult 85 degree temps she ran strong all day, and when I arrived at 8 pm to support her for the rest of the race, she really didn't need me at all. She had her game face on and pushed herself through most of the dark hours. Because Gabby wasn't needing my support yet, after Mark left I was able to run with my friend Emma and stay with her until she crossed the finish for her first 100K finish--I am hoping my encouragement was less nagging and more help. It wasn't until 2 pm that Gabby finally needed a little support, so we spent the rest of the night running and power walking the miles together. And thankfully, at 6 am more reinforcements arrived to do the final miles with us.  Syndie, Leslie, and my daughter Siobhan walked the final seven miles and kept us going despite the fatigue and the sore legs and feet. We were dirty, tired, and sore, but very proud of our miles at this race!

I was so happy with my accomplishments at Nanny Goat.  Last year I ran 52 miles in 24 hours, and this year I was able to do 35 over 12 hours, a kind of PR of sorts.  I moved strong through the night miles, which is a big win for me.  While I still prefer my morning runs, I can now say that night miles are not my nemesis anymore. The hugest win for me (drum roll please)... NO BLISTERS! I slathered my feet with A&D ointment, wore double-layer Wright socks under my Balega socks, and I wore gaiters (a kind of sleeve over my shoes) to keep the sand and dirt from entering the top of my shoes.  I stopped once to clean my feet and reapply more lubricant, but thankfully my friend Stephanie did not have to do any blister care on me this year.

This was a great race!  I loved seeing all my running friends out there pushing themselves to their limits.  That kind of toughness is so inspiring to watch. Thanks to everyone for the shouts of encouragement at every turn. Nanny Goat is a tough race, but I am so thankful for the experience, and I am looking forward to my next crazy adventure! 

This is the third year I have participated in the Ragnar Relay Event, but the first time I have done so as an ultra team of six. I must admit, this was pretty tough. We had a runner that got sick in the heat, and because we all had to do 26+ miles already, it didn't give us much wiggle room to add miles to runners. The whole stopping for several hours and then starting long miles was much more difficult than just relentlessly moving forward, which is what we usually do for our typical ultras. Then on one of our final legs, Kristi caught her toe on a 2-inch raise in the concrete and fell right onto her right arm, possibly breaking her wrist. Beast that she is, she finished the final two miles of that before getting in the van to get it iced. And to top it all off we made a rookie mistake and left Darcy at one of the exchanges and added about another thirty minutes to our time that we really didn't need with our slower pace.

The night runs, as usual, were kind of tough, but all of us agreed that these were our favorite legs because of the milder temperatures. The heat during the day, while relatively mild at under 80, but the sun was blazing and it was pretty humid. This slowed down our time even more.

​We knew we would be cutting the time limit close because we are not the fastest runners, but the injuries, the missed exchange, and the heat had us behind our finish time limit. Luckily Ragnar allowed us to leapfrog meaning that instead of us running one runner at a time, they allowed us to have two runners at a time. This meant we were doubling our miles in half the time so we could actually finish with the other runners. It was so sweet to cross that finish line as a team of six and we actually got a special ultra ribbon attached to our medal.

It was an amazing experience, and we are all so glad we took on this challenge! We are tired and ready to shower and sleep in our own beds, but we wanted to share our final thoughts with you:

Pat: his favorite part of the race was running the last leg of the race with his wife Darcy. They led the way as the whole team crossed the finish line together. He also thinks that it's probably not the smartest thing to run 21 miles at 12:30 pm--as you can probably guess, Pat was the one who got so sick and almost couldn't finish his miles

Darcy: she enjoyed the adventure with her friends and her husband and even though her last leg was uncomfortable and long, she was happy to do that last leg with her hubby. She learned not to stay on her feet when she wasn't running, because it made her actual run more painful on tired legs. She also says she'd do another Ragnar with us again even though we have left her twice now at cold, dark nighttime exchanges.

Kristi: she thinks this was the best first race she's ever had! Despite her fall, she is so happy to have accomplished so much under such difficult conditions. She ran over a marathon with no sleep and was so excited that she could do something she never thought she could accomplish.

Karrie: despite the challenge involved in completing this ultra, it was one of her most favorite experiences because she was able to do this with her friends. In addition, she was so excited that her husband Dave was able to see first hand why she loves doing these crazy races.

Dave: After driving somewhere near 1,000 miles over a 32 hour and 52 minute period, Daves final thought is, "YAWNNNN!"

​Gabby: she has so many amazing emotions going on right now that it is difficult to put it all into words. She had a lot of fun, and as usual she had that beaming smile on her face for the entire journey. She is ready to do it all over again tomorrow!

​As for me, I am so thankful for this experience to push my body to its limits and do it with an amazing group of people. It is remarkable that despite being in such close quarters for the last two days, there were smiles, kind words, and helpful gestures to the very end. As I've said a million times before ...I am a lucky girl!! Thank you team Ultra 5150, and a special thanks to my family for holding down the fort while I went out and played on the streets from Huntington Beach to Coranafo!

 So, my friends are mean (well, not really)! I was about to take off for my 10.2 jaunt and decided to hit the port-o-potties before I headed out where the only bathroom is a bush. When I arrived back at the support van, I noticed my running team looking at me seriously. "Something terrible has happened! Karrie fell and she thinks that she may have broken her arm." While I was worried about Karrie, I'll be honest that at the front of my mind was, "How many more miles are each of us going to need to take on so we can finish?" When they saw the look of panic on my face, they mercifully shared that they were playing an April Fool's Day joke on me. Not funny!

​Once I had calmed my nerves again, it was time to go meet Karrie at the end of her run to start the first leg of my ultramarathon journey. Gabby and I went to cheer Karrie in and by chance we ran across an inspiring set of runners. They were a team of living kidney donors and kidney recipients celebrating life. We watched the kidney donors and recipients embrace at the end--so emotional and inspiring!

My 10-miler was a hot and dry route that mostly went along the Santa Ana River Trail, but on the opposite side of the river than our EC 100. It was a fairly flat route but I was planning on my music playlist to keep me entertained, however, my phone decided to play the same three songs, Sam Cook, Bruno Mars, and Pitbull were my phone's artists of choice. Coach Ed taught us never to count on anything outside of ourselves, so while I was disappointed, I just pushed on. I felt strong throughout my run, and then I was running in to switch with our next runner, Kristi!

Kristi, our virgin Ragnar runner, had almost fourteen miles to complete, including one of the steepest legs of the entire race. She did great and came back with a huge smile on her face. She still looks strong and is ready to tackle her next legs later tonight.

Pat had the longest and hottest legs of us all. He is doing over 21 miles total, and the temperature is nearing 80. Darcy and Gabby are our final runners, and then it all starts over again.

We are all still in good spirits and ready to tackle Part 2. Hopefully I will be awake enough to post later tonight, but I also know at some point we might need to actually get a little shut eye.

We checked in at the Huntington Beach Ragnar start--picked up bibs, flags, and they checked to insure we all had reflective vests and two headlamps and rear lighting. While we were there we ran into team Revenge of the Ragnerds, our team members from our last two Ragnar events.

Karrie is off for her 6-mile leg and then I will take over to do my first legs, 10 miles total. I am having a sense of dejavu. Karrie is running on the HB portion of our EC100 course, and I'll be running on the Santa Ana River Trail we raced on, only I'll be doing it backwards. We stopped at the Carl's Jr on Brookhurst and Hamilton that was one of our check-ins for EC100. Gabby and I are in 7th Heaven remembering the amazing experience we had, but super thankful that we are not leaving Carl's Jr to run another 65 miles!

This year, just to makes things a little more difficult, we decided to run the Ragnar as an ultra marathon team. So, as a team of six runners we will be running from Huntington Beach to Coronado, a total of almost 200 miles. It seemed a good idea at the time we signed up, but it will be interesting to see how our bodies reacting to the long breaks between our runs.

For a typical Ragnar team there are twelve runners, six in each of two vans. When one team of six runners finishes running their miles, they rest while the other van takes over. We have no second van, so it will be interesting to see how much rest each of us actually gets. I am going to try and blog as we go so hopefully you can feel what we feel as we go. We have one runner that has never run Ragnar, and only Gabby and I have ever run an ultra marathon before today, Here is how we are feeling:

Karrie: Is super excited about running Ragnar with us, however, she is more excited about being able to hang out with her friends than actually running. She is our social butterfly!!

Gabby: is excited about the challenges of today's race. She is also happy to be able to hang with her friends. She has nervous butterflies in her stomach, which I am sure will carry her through her miles.

Darcy: is tired but excited for the journey. She is ready to conquer her miles, but is trying to wrap her head around having to complete 11 miles as her final leg.

Kristi: is our virgin racer and is super excited about the journey. She is so anxious about completing her miles that she hardly slept last night. She is glad we talked her into this challenge--we will see if she feels the same tomorrow night.

Pat: has the longest miles of the whole journey--over 40 miles! He is our zen runner--his motto is "Lace 'Em up and just run!" He is not at all worried about his miles including his first legs which have him doing 21 miles.

Dave: is our driver and has to navigate to each check in point and make sure we get there in time to drop off and pick up the runners. He is proud of our team. He plans to drive true and straight and get us to our stops in time. He is most looking forward to resting in his sleeping bag on the grass, ground, wherever. Not sure how we actually get to rest at all--sorry Dave!

Right now we are driving up to the start line. We will be beginning our race at 6:15...let's go team!

For a little more than a year now, since beginning my ultra marathon training routine, I have cut down on the number of bling-motivated shorter races on my running calendar. I have never hidden the fact that shiny end-of-run rewards motivate me to get myself out there to run. I think I was going through some bling withdrawal, so for the last two weeks I planned some shorter race play dates just for the fun, the scenery, and, of course, for the finisher's medal prize.

Two weeks ago I ran the San Diego Half Marathon as a five-year legacy runner. My buddy Kay and I ran the inaugural race right before her cancer detour, and this has been our yearly race since that first experience. Last year, this race had the distinction of being my first DNF ( Did Not Finish) race and almost the end of my 100-mile race dreams when my knee gave out at mile 8 and made it impossible for me to even walk across the finish line. It was a humbling experience, but also a huge growth opportunity for me. I learned the importance of cheering others on even when I couldn't take another step. I learned that I was stronger than I ever thought possible. And I learned that with the proper training and determination I can do anything I set my mind to. Plus, because of this experience, I gained an ally and mentor in Coach Ed Ettinghausen and together we convinced a few new running buddies to push the limits of their running endurance as well.

Ironically, I almost didn't even start this year's San Diego Half due to right hip pain in the days leading up to the race that made it difficult for me to even walk on the night before the event. It hurt so badly that I actually had to beg one of my friends to rub it out just to give me a chance to at least start the race with my running buddies. I went to sleep praying that I wouldn't need to bow out once again.

Setting: Big, warm, comfortable den--also known as my house

Scenario: One fine morning in February, I wake up, walk out of the front door of my den, and look down to see that my shadow looks different. "That can't be my shadow!" I exclaim. I look to my left, and then I look to my right. Nope, no one else is out her with me, so this must be my shadow.  But what happened?! Why does my shadow look so...squat.  I look for the sun--maybe it is close to noon and the sun is above me and causing my shadow to look shorter and wider.  I peer up at the sky, and once again my answer is a firm, "Nope!" It is not the sun, the shadow does not belong to someone else, and I am forced to admit that that short, squat shadow belongs to none other than ME!

It's February again, which means that once more I wake up from my winter fog and wonder how I find myself in the same condition I do every February. I am fluffy and frustrated with the fact that I know how to eat healthy, and yet every year I fluff up and spend my spring trying to get back to my normal comfortable self.  I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Ground Hogs Day. I wake up each spring and expect that this year is going be different, and each spring I am disappointed with my lack of control when the weather cools down and when the days seem darker and longer.  I know that I am not the only one because my friends, my hairdresser, even complete strangers have shared with me their fluffy frustrations as well. Luckily, I am an old pro at this. I know exactly what to do to get myself back in fighting shape:

1. Don't Panic: It is not the end of the world.  I am still running on a consistent basis, so at least I have my exercising under control.
2. Track My Food: I don't have to be too crazy about writing down every single bite I put in my mouth, but when I am more conscious about what I am eating, I just eat less. I use the MyFitnessPal app because it is easy to track the food I eat. 
3. Hydration: It is so hard for me to remember to drink water in the winter.  In the summer I actually feel thirsty, but when the weather cools down, I don't have those same sensations.  I can go a whole day without drinking anything other than coffee (or tea now that I am cutting down on caffieine). I don't like to drink my calories, so I also don't drink soda, juices, or smoothies.  This makes it so that I hydrate very little at this time of year.
4. Exercise: I just need to continue what I am doing with my running.  I love to get out a play on a regular basis, so I need to keep getting out on my early morning jaunts around town.
5. Sleep: Sleep is an important part of staying healthy. I need to make sure that in between my early morning runs that I go to bed in time to get consistent rest.

Hopefully next Groundhog's Day I will finally be able to share that I remembered my healthy habits all year long. But until then, I will be working on making my slightly fluffy shadow a little less round so that I can comfortably hang out in my swimsuit as I lay on the Hawaiian beaches this summer. Hawaii here I come! 

Do you have those times when you feel like you can handle anything life sends your way and then one thing seems to break it for you? For me… it was the mug. I am not going to lie---it has been a rough six months for me and I feel like I have been doing a decent job of managing the stress, the sadness, the concern, the heavy workload at my job, so I find it so ironic that the mug sent me over the edge.

The funny thing about this mug is that looking at it, there is nothing special about it.  It is a plain magenta mug with no decorations, no fancy shape, nor really anything that anyone else would find remarkable.  But it was special to me.  I've had that mug since my oldest was a baby (more than 20 years), it was the perfect size for a large cup of delicious, morning coffee, and it was the ideal container for making scrambled eggs in the microwave because the handle never heated up. And then in the middle of a stupid respiratory flu that knocked me down for almost a week, I reached for my healing cup of tea with lemon and honey when it slipped from my hands and onto my beautiful stained concrete bedroom floor and shattered in more pieces than I could count.

I cried, I raised my fists in the air shaking them angrily, and nothing seemed to magically bring my mug back from its trash heap destination. So why did this little thing hit me so hard--not sure, but I guess everyone has their limits.  Luckily it was a brief walk on the edge before I was able to remind myself of the absurdity of mourning for a lost mug.  You would think me, of all people, would understand that worrying about a lost mug is such a small loss compared to the sadness that could befall me.

​But maybe the lost mug was only an omen for what is truly going to be a difficult road for me over the next few months--giving up coffee.  I finally need to stop fighting it.  Several doctors over the years have tried to convince me that coffee is not good for me for various reasons, but I have always resisted it because it is my only true vice.  Over the years I have given up drinking sodas, given up most artificial sweeteners, cut down on fat, rich, sweet foods, added more veggies, fruits, and lean meats to my diet, and I am a non-smoking, rarely drinking, go-to-bed-early kind of girl.  Can't I have one bad thing that makes me happy?  

It turns out that I really do need to find a way to cut back slowly.  I warn all others to try to steer clear of me in the morning for the next few months. I have a feeling that the coffee helped to make me a happy morning person--no telling what I will be like now.  And hopefully this non-caffeine life will just be one more of the many detours I have needed to take to continue on the road to a healthier, even more flabulous version of me. 

As I ran through the foggy street of Murrieta this morning with my running buddies, it occurred to me that I have been in a personal fog since I started my 100-mile training on April 1, 2015--a 100-mile fog. Coach Ed warned us all that after the EC 100 we would feel a little absent-minded and that we might feel a bit out of it for a while, but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized that I still feel a little out of it.

It started when I began to reflect upon the 2015 year--I do this every January to assess where I am and what I need to focus on for the coming year.  I look at my training logs, see how my clothes are fitting me, and look back at the blogs I wrote for the year.  When I looked at my running workouts on Strava, it occurred to me that there were no workouts before mid-April.  It was then that I realized that this was because I didn't get my Garmin and attach my workouts to Strava until April. I did this so that people could follow me for the Zero to 100-Mile Hero challenge that Coach Ed put together for us on Facebook.  This reminded me that before April, I was recording all my workouts on RunKeeper.  I decided to look back to calculate the miles I ran from January to mid-April, and what I saw didn't make sense to me.  

The funny thing is that as I looked at Strava, I was so proud of the number of miles I had run for the year. According to Strava, I ran almost 2,095 miles and spent over 465 hours of the year logging those miles. Those statistics are impressive, if I must say so myself.  I am not a bragger, and I rarely bring up my accomplishments outside of my blog and Facebook, but I never thought I could finish a 26.1 mile race let alone an ultra marathon. So imagine my surprise when according to  Run Keeper I could add another 323.05 miles for 2015--a whopping 2,418 miles total for the year! Do you know if I ran from my house to the lake in Winston-Salem, NC where I did my 50K, that would only be 2, 094 miles and a run to Boston MA would only be 2, 553 miles?  When I think about it in those terms, I can see why my mind might be a little foggy these days.

I did give my legs, and my brain as well, a little rest over the weekend.  Hopefully my fog will be lifted soon.  I did have enough brain power left to remember that on January 24th my blog will officially be five years old.  It is hard to believe that I have been throwing my thoughts down here for so long.  Here are some of my first thoughts in that very first blog:

For those of you that have known me for a long time, you may be wondering, why a blog?  I am going to let you in on another little secret.  I really care what others think about me.  I am hoping through this blog I can let you in on a few little gems I have learned along the way, and that if you know about it, I cannot slide back into my old obsessions with food.  It is kind of like writing something in your diary that you really want someone to stop you from doing, and secretly hoping someone will read it…so you leave it out on the table.

      Well I am leaving it out on the table.  I am not self-centered enough to think I will have hundreds of people reading my blog, but if I can help just one person have a healthier relationship with food than I have had over the last 30 years, then I will feel this blog will have been worth it.

I am hoping that over the last five years I have inspired others to take control of their lives, to dream the impossible (because dreams can come true), and to be kind to themselves when they fall a little short of their expectations. I hope my strategies have helped people to make at least small changes in their lifestyles, that my detours along the way have shown people that it is possible to come back from perceived failures, and that I have encouraged people to go out and find a way to move their bodies on a regular basis.  If I have have encouraged even one person to do any of these things, then I am a happy, although somewhat foggy, blogger. Thanks for all your continued support--Here's to a successful 2016!

As I logged back into my blog this week, I realized that I have not had one post since the one for Diego's birthday on December 9th--the longest I have gone without a new blog. The funny thing is that I have been on vacation for the past three weeks and even that did not allow me the time to post my thoughts. 

Isn't it funny how busy we can all be, even while on a supposed vacation. The first week of my winter "break" was spent preparing for all that Christmas entails: gift buying, party attending, house cleaning, etc.  Two days after Christmas my two youngest children and I were off for a trip to North Carolina to visit family.  As usual, when I travel, I almost always search for a race that allows me to go out and play in the environment where I am visiting. This time my goal was to do my first ultra marathon since the EC 100, so I chose the Frosty Fifty 50K in Winston-Salem, NC.  I had run this race two years ago, but had only done the 25K.  This time I chose to do the 50K, which is a little more than 31 miles. I also convinced my friend Ellen who lives in Virginia to join me.  This would be her first long distance race over a half-marathon--heck, go big or go home I say!

​However, this week I had to make a decision. Since a little before my 100-mile race at the Endurance Challenge 100, I have been experiencing periodic weakness in my right leg.  Luckily, at my big ultra marathon race my leg behaved, but over the last couple months it has been getting progressively worse. Some days I almost have to drag my leg forward until the weird weak feeling goes away. It is not debilitating, but it is very annoying. I have tried taking more rest days, but even that has not seemed to help.  So this week I had to decide. Should I skip my first ultra marathon since October, or should I trudge on to see what I could do?  I wanted to be smart, but I also didn't want to use this as an excuse to stop pushing myself. ​There is a fine line between using my leg weakness as an excuse and being safe to ensure a long running career. In addition, I was really looking forward to having Ellen join me, so I made the choice to go to the race and see what my leg could do.  I would still be smart and stop if needed, but I know that I really needed to try.

The rest of lap three was completed without incident, but by the marathon marker (26.2 miles) I was definitely getting tired. Both legs were tired now and running by myself was getting old. Luckily, it was at this point that I found someone to run the final miles with me. The entire race I had seen a couple (Paula and her husband) running just in front of me. For these final miles, Paula's husband was slightly ahead, so Paula and I decided that we both needed someone to push us forward.  It was just what we both needed. Those final miles actually passed quickly because we had someone to distract us from thinking about our tired body parts, our hungry bellies, and the general fatigue that takes over at the end of a race. I learned that Paula and her husband were running their first ultra marathon at the Frosty Fifty and that they were training for a huge destination race in South Africa called the Comrades Ultra Marathon that will have them running almost 90K. I learned that, like me, Paula had started running after having children and needing to get a few pounds off and deciding to adopt a healthier lifestyle. I also learned that Paula had an amazing support system of friends just like me and that her friends also helped keep her accountable. She was the perfect person for me to meet to keep me going past that finish line. We sped up our final base an ran through that finish

I am so thankful for this experience.  It was not easy, but once again I learned just how tough I can be. There is such a fine line between pushing through and just plain being unwise (read stupid). I think I will always err on the side of challenging myself, and hopefully know when I need to pull back. For now I will push forward on my running journey with my family's and my doctor's approval.  The journey continues...