I worry that my blog may be a little scattered this week.  I have so many thoughts flying through my head that it is difficult to focus it all and come up with a common thread that will make this blog sound somewhat cohesive--but I will try...

For any of you that have not been near my Facebook wall at all this week, I had a little race this weekend called Nanny Goat. I had no big expectations of what I would accomplish, because I know that my big goal is to complete the full EC 100. I did want to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly of a full 24 hours, but anything else beyond that was going to be icing on the cake.  Because I wanted to do my first mileage over 26, my first goal for Nanny Goat was just to push through to 27 miles.  I have only completed 26.2 miles twice in my running career--once when Coach Ed ran me to my first marathon finish at Carlsbad, and the second was my marathon leg at my full Ironman. Those miles took blood, sweat, and tears, so I was not taking doing even 27 miles for granted.

First, I must share that I have the most supportive family and friends ever, and when it comes to races, no one is more supportive than Stephanie Bradsher.  She was my Team in Training mentor, and from that day forward she has been one of my biggest supporters.  At 5:30 am yesterday morning, Stephanie picked me and my entire carload of supplies up at my house and drove me to Riverside for the event.  She was not participating, just supporting me and my friend Jeremiah (who first convinced me to do an ultra), which makes her selfless support so much more wonderful. 

Before the race it is important to set up an area where you can easily access your most important items--nutrition, hydration, etc.  I had my table set up near Coach Ed so he could help me figure out what I was doing. I had no clue.  This whole ultra marathon is so completely different than anything I have ever attempted before, so I was willing to take any advice sent my way.  We also set up a little rest area under a group of orange trees with some chairs, a small tent for Jeremiah and his hubby James to sleep in if needed, and it also became a triage area of sorts when I was at my lowest points in the race. I was as prepared as I could be.

We all started in the goat pen for the National Anthem and some photos, and then it was time to start on my 24-hour adventure.  The course is one-mile long. The terrain is as flat as can be, but the surface changes from dirt to uneven asphalt to trail then over gopher infested grass and finally onto a bit of concrete which leads to the barn where it all starts again.  For the most part the course was a large loop around the farm, but there was one out and back u-turn around a skull topped cone that was a little desolate.  From the beginning I was worried about this one-mile thing.  How long could I stand doing the same thing over and over before I went crazy? This was honestly the part that I dreaded the most, but I was surprised at how much comfort this course brought me throughout the event. Mile after mile after mile, I knew what to expect. By the time night arrived, I knew what spots to avoid and what parts would be most challenging. I grew to strongly dislike the gopher-holed uneven grassy area by the end--pretty sure anyone that does this course would agree, but at least I knew to be careful there. This race was also comforting because you ran across the same people over and over and by the end complete strangers were cheering for each other mile after mile. The racer's support teams, sometimes including entire families, were scattered camping out around the course. Amazingly, many of these people cheered for all the runners, so it felt like I was being supported the entire 24 hours.  I didn't expect that. 

I was completely walking this race. Coach Andy's #1 rule is to stay healthy, and so I decided to practice my speed-walking throughout the 24 hours so I didn't injure myself. Because I wasn't running at all it seemed like forever before I hit the marathon distance--over seven hours. Once I finally reached the 27-mile mark, I made my next goal to get to 30 miles. The difficulty was that at this point I was already starting to get some pretty painful blisters on the bottom of my feet near my toes.  I could feel them coming on, but wasn't sure what I could do.  I NEVER get blisters, and I wasn't prepared for this obstacle at all.  Stephanie made me bring blister pads, but by the end even that wasn't nearly enough. I decided to take it mile by mile. By this time, Jeremiah started walking with me which made things so much easier.  I found that despite the discomfort of the blisters, walking with Jeremiah made the miles fly by, but the blisters were getting worse. Each step was pretty painful, but I really tried to walk with my usual gait so I didn't end up injuring something else because of poor mechanics. This is where Stephanie took support to new levels.  Each time my blisters felt unmanageable, she washed my feet, dried them, put blister pads on, covered it with a light layer of powder to minimize the rub, and then protected it with a large bandage.  This would last for about 6 miles before we had to go through the whole process again. Totally time consuming, but it made all the difference to me being able to continue on.

By this time I was so close to forty miles that I really wanted to hit that next milestone.  My running buddy Mark drove up to support me during some of the night hours, but because of my blisters he had to wait a bit before I was ready to go out again.  I had to regroup each six miles and get the courage to go back out knowing it was getting more painful with each step. In addition, Stephanie had to redress the blisters or it was too painful to even take a few steps. By the time I was ready to go out again, Mark and I needed a light and the flashlight I brought was not nearly enough.  I learned that I need to find a much more powerful light source before the EC 100 if I want to make sure I am avoiding obstacles in the dark. Mark was able to get me to the forty mile level, and he provided me with a game plan to get me to fifty.  He suggested that I go out and do another six miles with my other running buddy Gabby, and then regroup to do the final four which would give me an even 50 miles.  This sounded like a great plan, so I went back to base to have Stephanie re-dress the blister for the next six-mile chunk.

Gabby was just what I needed at that point.  She distracted me and made it easier to do those six miles in the dark.  I think that every ultra runner would agree that those late night hours are the most difficult mentally, and it was key to have someone or something to distract me. She would not let me focus on the painful steps--she chatted away making the miles more manageable. After those six miles, I was done. I was at the 46-mile mark, but I had to re-evaluate and ask myself if it was smart to do four more miles.  Coach Andy's voice was running through my head reminding me to stay healthy.  The funny thing was that if it wasn't for the blisters, I honestly felt great.  I wasn't exhausted, I wasn't feeling joint or muscles pain, but I worried that these blisters might cause me to walk funny and injure something else.  I decided to try and take a short nap and see how I felt after that. I could not be disappointed with 46 miles...this was more than I ever dreamed I could do, so I decided to wait.

I went back to my base camp and tried to sleep. I rested in my camping chair and tried to snuggle under my sleeping bag, but no matter what I did I felt cold and I couldn't get comfortable.  I decided to go over to the barn and hang out with Coach Ed's wife Martha.  It was one of the best decisions I made that night. Besides having engaging conversations with Martha, I was able to watch the runners coming in mile after mile, and it was here that I had three different people inspire me to suck it up and keep going.

I am sure it will surprise no one that Coach Ed was one of the first ones to remind me to not give up on myself. And the cool thing is that he reminded me not with words but with his actions. Ed started this entire Nanny Goat event with a huge disadvantage. His back had been bothering him for days, and I noticed before the race that he was having great difficulty even bending a little as he attempted to organize his table before the race. I really worried about him, but I knew that he would not use that as an excuse unless his body just stopped working. For the first ten miles he kept it smart and speed walked until he felt a little better.  At mile twelve he decided to start running and this is when I realized how truly fast that man is. He flew around each mile of the course and amazed me with his ability to push through lower back pain.  How could I possibly complain about blisters when he was kicking butt with his back pain? 

The second person that amazed me was a woman who started the race with a goat balloon sculpture on her head. Anyone with this sense of whimsy is okay in my book. I watched her push through mile after mile.  She reminded me a lot of myself, because she was not super fast, but her steady push forward moved her through the miles.  As the night went on she slowed down a little.  She looked like she was in pain, and yet she pushed on. However, when she hit her 44th mile, the dark nighttime hour, the pain of putting that many miles in, and whatever gremlins hit us at our lowest points, all this allowed the negativity to set in for her.  She sat down on a chair in the barn and I wasn't sure she was going to get up.  At that point Coach Ed came in and noticed that she was hitting her low. Through her tears she told Ed that she was going to try sleeping because she was in too much pain to go on.  He was very frank with her.  He told her that in his experience he knew that if she tried sleeping she would not get up again.  He'd seen it happen too many times at other races. She wasn't really ready to hear those words at that point, but Ed tried to reason with her.  After a bit, Ed had to run on and her support team and others in the barn tried to get her to push on as well.  Finally, she got up with huge tears in her eyes and walked slowly out of the barn.  I wasn't sure how far she would get, but her support person reminded her to take one mile at a time.

After watching those two I knew what I needed to do.  By this time it was about 4am and I realized that I had four hours to complete four miles. That meant that I could technically do one mile an hour and still get fifty miles total. That is when my final inspiration came into play.  Martha has learned a thing or two being married to Ed for over thirty years. She told me that she would do the final four miles with me so that I wouldn't have to be alone. When I told her I wasn't sure I could do it with my massive blisters, she told me that she knew I could.  I decided to have Stephanie clean up my blisters one last time, and Martha and I took off to complete those final miles.  They weren't pretty miles, and I was honestly complaining a lot about the pain from my blisters. Martha just ignored me and kept distracting me by asking me questions about my family. Before I knew it, one mile was down...three more to go.  The last miles passed in much the same way.  I complained and Martha distracted. On that final mile I was amazed to find Coach Ed and his daughter running the last 0.2 mile stretch with us.  Ed told me if I could push it a little he would run in with me to complete my fifty miles.  That perked me right up and I pushed as hard as I could toward the barn finish.  It was so amazing to run in with Coach Ed, and he even stopped long enough to take several photos with me so I could remember my first ultra marathon finish.

One day later I am still coming down from my ultra marathon high.  My blisters are still pretty painful, but I am now trying to refer to them as my battle badges.  I came away from this Nanny Goat event with so many lesson learned. First, I learned that I need to find a better way to take care of my fabulous feet to prevent blisters before they occur.  Amazingly, the only thing that is really bothering me are those blisters.  Before the EC 100 I need to research blister prevention methods, and I need to put together a blister dressing kit just in case.  I also learned that I can push through difficulties when I am at my lowest point in the race.  I saw Ed do it, I saw the woman that almost gave up on herself do it, and I experienced myself doing it as well. In fact, my family arrived to cheer me on for the last hour of the race when I had already completed my fifty miles.  Martha convinced me to do one more mile with my family to show them the course.  It was not easy, but I will never forget crossing that finish line one last time with my husband and children, and I hope they remember how I pushed through pain to do that. I also learned that I need to find a better light source before my big race, and that I can survive the darkest stretches of night and the early hours before the sun comes up. I am so glad I decided to follow through on taking part in the Nanny Goat event. I don't think I could have learned these lessons so thoroughly without participating in this event. I am so proud of myself and so thankful for all the support I received throughout this experience.  I can't wait until the EC 100 when Coach Ed and the other Zero to 100 Mile Hero team members will be able to experience all these things together.  Keep pushing forward to our 100-mile goal Debbie, Lecia, Marleen, Caressa, Crista, and my main ultra training partner Gabby...it is so worth it!

Some weeks the blogs just flow out of my head, and other weeks I have to pull it out like extracting a rotten tooth. Not sure why it happens that way, but I think maybe this week it is happening because I have had such a range of emotions. This week alone, I have experienced great sorrow and immense joy and pride. Once again, this range of emotions comes to me due to the effects of cancer on the people around me.

I will begin by sharing the sorrow I experienced this week, because I want to end my blog on a positive note. Several months ago I shared with you the story of our close family friends that have a little caboose child like my little Eoin. As cancer inevitably does when it has taken over your body, her amazing father was taken from this life the day before Mother's Day. On the one hand, I know that this friend of ours lived life to the fullest and that even though he passed, he had a wonderful life! However, on the other hand, I see his beautiful wife and three children left behind without his continued guidance and care. Cancer has robbed them of the opportunity to have him at their graduations, their weddings, and everything that is important to them. And their little three-year-old may never really know how wonderful her father was because she was too little when he passed away. My heart is so heavy thinking about what the next few years will be like for this family without his guiding presence.

While all this is going on, I also experienced great joy and pride in spite of cancer. This morning I had the wonderful opportunity to go and watch my friend Kay compete in her first triathlon since her cancer recovery. To watch this individual who fought cancer with every bit of her body go out there and be ready to give everything she has to her swim, bike, and run was such a gift on a very difficult weekend. As I watched her prepare to compete, I was so thankful that her husband Jim did not have to go through the same loss that our other friend's wife and children are going through at this very moment. A victory against cancer! Cancer doesn't always win!

This week I also had the privilege of getting to know a little more about my 0 to 100 Mile Hero teammate Debbie Jett. I already think the world of her for allowing the extra five girls to benefit from the ultra marathon training when she could have kept the help all to herself. That alone showed what a giving soul she is, but this week she was featured on a San Diego news segment that I would like to share with you. Debbie, like Kay, is a colorectal cancer survivor. And like Kay, she has turned her cancer journey into an inspirational example for other cancer patients. Debbie, who lives in La Jolla, runs races for colon cancer patients that are too sick to do those miles themselves.  She takes photos and videos along the way so these patients can feel like they were really doing the race themselves.  At the end of the race, Debbie sends these patients the photos, videos, and the medals she receives as a finisher. I never thought I would meet another person that inspires me as much as Kay does. Watch this video and I know you, too, will be inspired by her huge heart! SDLive: Debbie Jett 

So while this week my heart is very heavy because of the loss of a dear friend and the hole this loss has left in his beautiful family, I also have two friends that remind me that cancer doesn't always win.  And not only does cancer not win, but cancer's power is weakened by people like Debbie and Kay who shine their light on all those around them and remind those people to get their regular check-ups and remind them to fight to the very end because cancer can be defeated!  I am thankful to have these two women in my life, and I am thankful to have know my friend for almost fifteen years before he passed away. I think what I want to take away from this week of severe ups and downs is that life is precious, and we need to enjoy life to the fullest every day.  Take care of yourself, you never know when your health will be taken away from you.  Make time to go out and play in the world.  Run, bike, swim, whatever makes you happy...just go out there and do it!

As many of you know, about six months ago I decided to embark on a journey to complete a 100-Mile race at the Nanny Goat event.  I am a planner and a doer so once I had the plan, every training run was in my calendar, and I did my best to complete each and every mile that the plan suggested.  I do this because when a race scares me, the only way for me to put that fear in its place, the only way for me to control my readiness for the event is to follow a plan. Even though I have been running for years, I am no expert in what I need to do to plan, prepare, and train for an ultra. Especially when life happens.

During this training for Nanny Goat, I had several bouts of flu-like symptoms that kept me from training, but what finally did me in was a knee injury that kept me from training at all for almost a month.  Stuff happens, but when you are training for an ultra marathon on your own, this "stuff" induces more fear, more feelings of inadequacy, and finally a possibility that the race may not happen at all.  That is where I was, thinking of giving up on myself, when I saw Ed's call for a 100-Mile Hero.

And once I became one of the six runners on Ed's 100-Mile Dream Team I don't want to say that my fear went away, but I now feel as though I have the support needed to be successful.  I will not quit.  I will not give up on myself.  In fact, I think a healthy dose of fear is good when I train, but I do need to keep that fear in balance.

What I mean by balancing the fear is that in my experience, I need to be a little scared so that I do not decide to get so complacent that I can talk myself out of doing the training necessary to be successful at the event. For example, for Ironman, I was so afraid of drowning that my fear propelled me to add extra swimming sessions so that I felt completely comfortable in the water. That extra time paid off because on race day not only did I survive the swim, but I was a full 30 minutes faster than what I had hoped. Fear had pushed me to take every training session seriously and prevented me from hitting snooze and skipping the workout altogether.

However, too much fear can cause you to doubt yourself, and there is no room for doubt when training for Ironman or the 100-Mile ultra marathon we are currently training for. This kind of fear can paralyze you and have you questioning the wisdom in even attempting such a lofty goal.  This kind of fear has you looking to the end and thinking you will never get there.  This kind of fear causes you to give up and quit because, "You would never have been able to achieve the goal anyway."  This kind of self-talk is detrimental to the progress we need to make over the next five months as we prepare for the EC-100, and we need to remind ourselves daily that the road to the EC-100 might be challenging, but we can do this.  We CAN be 100-Mile Heroes!

On our 0 to 100 Mile Hero in 200 Days page, Coach Ed addressed fear in Part I of his psychological training for our big day. I was inspired by many things he shared with us, but here are a couple of points I feel that can encourage anyone to push through the negative self-talk that fear produces:

1. "Do the things that most you fear, you'll see the fears jest disappear." The Jester  Coach Ed consistently tells us that if there is anything we hate about training (running in heat, at night, in rain) that we need to face that fear and train for those conditions so we are ready for any eventuality.
2. The ABCs of the 100-mile race finish (or reaching any goal you set for yourself)-Conceive it. Believe it. Achieve it! Set a goal for yourself, believe you can not only train for the event but finish the event, and then get out there and get 'er done!
3. Coach Ed also shared that having some fear is healthy but that we need to use that fear to move us forward so we can become fearsome!

So this week I am reflecting on my balance of fear and I am feeling pretty good.  I am still fearful enough of October's EC-100 event, that when Coach Andy gives us the training plan, I am doing everything in my power to do my daily workouts. Also, after talking to Coach Ed, I am still going to compete in the Nanny Goat event, but instead of doing the 100-miler, I will drop down to the 24-hour race. That way I can experience the timeframe of the race between 10pm and 2am, because this part still scares me.  I can usually hardly keep my eyes open at night after a full day of training and work, and I need to see how that feels in a true race situation. I will be practicing my pacing and walking at this event so I don't injure myself, but I will become more comfortable with something that still worries me about the 100-mile event.

I hope this blog inspires you to keep a healthy dose of fear. Remember to keep it balanced so you don't become overwhelmed but also so that you still respect the enormity of what you are hoping to accomplish.  We CAN do this girls.  Pretty soon we will ALL be able to call ourselves 100-Mile Heroes!


Below find a link to a video on a daughter that helps her mother to find joy in her cancer journey.  She helps her mother to improve her attitude and reduce the fear that comes with everything cancer--very inspiring!
Daughter helps Mother Find Joy in Terminal Cancer

I have been feeling so blessed lately.  My cup runneth over as the old saying goes, and it is time to find ways to start sharing a little of what I have with others.  I have been adding to our little morning group a few runners at a time, but I want even more people to experience how amazing it feels to get up, work out with a few friends, and start your day with all those endorphins running through your body right from the beginning of your day.

Today someone asked me how I first motivated myself to get up early and how I resisted rolling over and just going back to sleep. My biggest motivation is getting my workout in while not stealing time away from my family...so I run while they sleep.  The second biggest motivator is knowing that I have people counting on me to meet them, and I would never disappoint them because they count on me as much as I count on them. I won't lie, I slept in a couple times.  Once I set my alarm to PM instead of AM, but as soon as I got a wake-up text from my friends on the porch, I thew my clothes on and was ready to run 5 minutes later.  I also set my clothes up the night before so I can even get ready in my sleep if needed.  And a couple times I had to cancel because I got the stomach flu during the night, and honestly, I mostly cancelled because I didn't want to infect anyone else. Finally, I like to get it done early because I am a master at talking myself out of a workout later in the day.  I have too much work to do; my kids need me to spend time with them; it is too hot; I am too tired; and the list of excuses could honestly go on forever.

Because of how lucky I feel to have two coaches helping me to achieve my goal of completing a hundred-mile race, and because I know how amazing it feels when I have finished one of my morning workouts, I am issuing a challenge to all of you--Yes, EVERY ONE of you!  Because I love numbers, and because we have a pretty fun number day coming up, I challenge you to do 5 miles (or 5 km) at 5:05am or 5:05pm on May 5th, which also happens to be 5/5. No excuses, you can try an early morning workout for one day and see how you like it, and I will be trying to add an evening one at 5:05pm since this is my challenge time.

And if anyone actually lives close by where I reside, I challenge you to come join us for our morning run on May 5th.  We promise to welcome you with enthusiastic open arms (although my friend Mark does run away from my hugs), and we will stay with you the entire 5 miles so you can experience the incredible feeling of support I feel on a daily basis.  Message me for directions.

If you can't head my way, please comment on my blog below, post on my Facebook wall, post on the 0 to 100 Mile Hero page, or for my Fit Fifty friends, share your work-outs for May 5th on our group page.

I am calling you out!  Stop just thinking about working out and take this day to start your new workout routine. There is never a perfect time to start.  There is always a reason to put it off.  But I say there is no time like the present.  Get your workout on and do 5 miles (or 5 km) on May 5th--and if you can swing it, try to get out at 5:05 am or 5:05 pm just to make extra special!  I am looking forward to hearing all about it!  Your turn to share!