More than ten months ago, my friend Kay and I embarked on the most difficult journeys of our lives.  I just took on the most challenging race I will ever tackle, Ironman, but Kay began a journey to fight for her life.  Thankfully Kay took to heart the recommendation that she get a colonoscopy when she turned 50, because despite the fact that she had no symptoms, she was diagnosed with Stage III rectal cancer (see my August 16 & 25, 2012 blogs for the beginning of Kay's journey).
          Kay's journey was a difficult one.  She was initially diagnosed with colon cancer, but was re-classified as a rectal cancer patient, which had its own unique treatment plan: radiation, surgery, and then chemo for an extended period of time.  Throughout her entire ordeal, Kay has been the picture of inspiration.  She kept a positive outlook, posted details so we would understand the importance of cancer screenings, and she made it to most of our Tuesday/Thursday 5:45am runs even when most people would have rolled over with the harsh chemo treatments. I speak for hundreds of people who have come in contact with Kay at any point in their lives...she is my hero and I prayed on a daily basis that God would heal her and spare this amazing woman any further pain and suffering!
          I was also humbled by the support she received along the way.  Not only did she have some of the best doctors she could find in our area, but her network of friends, family, and former students kept her going even on her most trying days.  We wore our "No One Fights Alone" blue support bands, sent her daily texts, emails, and Facebook posts, and when things got difficult, she had so many people there to lend support where needed.  I know all of this contributed to her healing and ability to stay positive during this long, grueling process, so thank you everyone for your prayers, best wishes, and love you sent Kay's way.  I know she will never be able to thank you for the flood of support that came her way throughout this journey.
          So it is with a full heart and eyes rimmed with tears of joy that I would like to share that it worked.  Last week she was given the all clear--she is cancer-free! So many of us had no doubt that this would be the final outcome,  that I was surprised with the emotional impact this result had on me.  Even as I write this my throat is choked up with emotion, and the tears are making it difficult to see my blurry screen to finish this blog.  Kay fought so hard, kept up a positive attitude even when things were at their worst, and she kicked rectal cancer's @$$! Now, I know she will need to go for regular check-ups to make sure she scared it away for good, but because of her determination and amazing attitude, she was able to kill this thing in one fell swoop.
          When Kay called me to tell me the great news, she asked me to cut off my support bracelet and send her photos of my now naked wrist.  It feels weird with it gone after almost a year without ever taking it off, but every time I look down I am reminded that Kay is one of the strongest people I know!  And this strength will remind me that no matter how tough the next month is on me physically, nothing can be as hard as what Kay went through battling cancer. 
          I do ask one final thing of you, friends, because I know this would mean the world to Kay.  If you know anyone that is at least 50 and has not had their cancer screenings, please bug, plead, and cajole them to make their appointments as soon as possible.  Show them this video of Kay, because not everyone will be as lucky as she was to get the clean bill of health after her first series of treatments.  This could have ended so poorly, so I am so happy to be able to say to Kay's cancer, "You're out of here!"

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Chick Interrupted: The Kay Mueller Story

          I have been training for over a year for one race.  Granted it will be the most difficult and challenging race I will ever attempt (mark my words, I will not be doing this one again), but I feel that because of my dedication to my training I will be able to finish before the 11pm cut-off.  Despite all this, I still swing from panic to euphoria--sometimes in the same day or even hour.
          Last week it all started with an innocent text from one of my Ironman training buddies, "Ok everyone...only 37 days left!!! YIKES!!!" My first thought was, "What?  I thought we had five weeks left!  How could it only be 37 days away?!"  As you can see, there is a reason why I am a reading specialist and not not a math specialist.  I am not sure why 37 days sounded so much closer to me than five weeks, but it did.  I started to panic.  That side of me that used to think that no matter how much time I had to train, I would never be ready to do an Ironman, came out of hiding and panicked.  I thought, "What was I thinking?  I only have 37 days (now 34)--how will I ever be ready for that swim? How will I ever be able to keep going after ten hours, when after six hours on the bike my mind is telling me to go curl up into bed and get some rest?"
          At almost the same time I began thinking, "Only 37 days and one race day left, and I can get my life back. I can sleep past 5am if I want to.  I can spend quality time with my family in the evening without constantly nodding off in exhaustion.  In 37 days I will be free."  The euphoric feeling was overwhelming. Don't get me wrong.  Once this is over I am not going back to the old sedentary me...I can just go back to my normal kind of crazy training for half-marathons and most likely adding some shorter triathlon distances into the mix.  Through this process I have learned that I really love the biking, even the scary hills and long distances, and I will continue the swimming only because I don't want to lose the progress I have made in this sport. I am excited to have the training stop and the race day begin. Euphoria, euphoria, EUPHORIA!
        Then I made a swing back into panic mode. As I hyperventilated I thought, "I don't even know how to effectively change a tire yet.  What am I going to eat to make sure I don't run out of energy? I have been working on that, but I haven't figured out exactly what and how much my body needs.  And what about my transitions?  I haven't even practiced those nearly enough yet.  Oh, and I am still training with my music--what am I going to do when I am out there all alone on the race course.  Am I mentally prepared enough?"  In fact, my heart is racing right now as I write this--am I really ready?  I have trained as much as I possibly could, but is it enough?  Panic, panic, PANIC!
          But then my rational side steps in and thinks, "I have followed the training plan to a tee. I need to trust in my training and let my body take over. I have time to learn how to quickly change my tire. I have more than four weeks to train without music, practice transitions, and determine what food I need to take with me to keep me going."  Now I am starting to feel the euphoria again.  I am going to cross that finish line in time, and I will prove to myself, and anyone that ever doubted me, I am an Ironwoman!  I am ready and I will do this!
          So here I sit at the corner of panic and euphoria with only 34 days left to make myself feel like I am truly ready.  What should I focus on?  What more can I do?  Or should I just relax and realize that I have done enough. No matter what, even if the race were tomorrow, I am ready!

          Wow!  What a week!  I know I have written this before, but I honestly think this was one of the toughest training weeks yet!  At work I had four different presentations I had to create and deliver to teachers in a one-week period, and the Ironman training was the most intense I have encountered to this point.  The swimming yardage didn't dip below 3,000 yards each session, I did over ten hours of biking, and I completed about four hours of running from Tuesday to Saturday.  Luckily, I only have approximately four weeks of hard core training left before we begin to taper in the couple weeks before the race.
          Amazingly, I have been training for this race for an entire year.  In June 2013, I started swimming, in October, I started a half Ironman plan just so I would be ready for the training for the full, and I started the actual full Ironman training in February.  I thought that there would never be enough time for me to be able to prepare for a race of this distance, but I can honestly say that I am counting the days until I can sleep in past 5am.  I have worked hard, and I am ready to relax a little after this is all done.  In the meantime, I need to survive the next four weeks of training. 
          As I thought over the last few months, I began to think of how very grateful I am to the team I have behind me.  I cannot count the number of people who help keep me motivated and supported both in large and small ways--take this last week for example. Last Sunday I had to run later than I like to--I was stuck in San Diego until noon, so I couldn't even start my 2+ hour run until almost 2pm.  I needed someone to watch Eoin, and my friends Erin and Bob were right there to help me even though I asked them at the very last minute.  In addition, my friend Karrie met me on her bike at about an hour into the run.  She didn't know this at the time, but I had run out of water, and I didn't have any nutrition because I had accidentally left it in the car.  I was a hot, sweaty mess, and then she rode up with a backpack full of suncreen, water, gatorade, and a healthy nut and fruit bar to make the second half of my run possible.  She also rode the last hour and a half with me even after she had done a complete morning of her own Ironman training.
          On Tuesday, I was exhausted and I did not feel like running, but knowing that my morning running team would be at my door by 5:45am, I could not roll back into bed no matter how much I wanted to do just that.  I can always count on at least one, and usually 4-5, of my friends to be there to support me on my early morning runs. We have also been doing the most amazingly fun trail runs that make it a little easier to get up in the morning no matter how tired I am.
        I am extremely grateful to my family for supporting me in all my crazy training.  My daughter often gives up her weekend mornings to watch Eoin so I can run, bike, and swim, and my poor husband gets dragged along on my long rides.  Today I made him do 50 miles with me, and he is not even training for anything!
        I must also thank all my friends on Facebook that take the time to post words of encouragement and guidance when I need it most.  I am sure you probably don't know how much that means to me.  Jessica, one of my Marathon Maniac friends that has done several half and full Ironman distance races, praised me for my dedication to my training, but also reminded me that I need to keep in mind how lonely parts of my race are going to be.  I spend a lot of time training with groups of my friends--I need to remember that I need to add some alone and silent (no music) training time so I will be mentally ready for my long, grueling race day at Vineman.
          Today was one of the longest training days in a while.  I was on my bike trainer by 5:20am for a two hour indoor ride, followed by a long five hour and fifteen minute 50-mile ride with my husband, and then a 40 minute brick run.  When we stopped for breakfast at the 40-mile point, I posted that I hopefully had enough energy to get my run in.  Thank goodness, my friend Jeremiah responded, "Not hopefully enough energy. You have to go whether you have energy or not."  That little comment put it all in perspective, and I not only completed a 41 minute run, but I also maintained a 9:30/mile pace, which is amazing for me especially considering I was on my sixth hour of exercise.
          As you can see, it indeed takes a village to keep me motivated and moving forward on my journey to Ironman.  I want to thank each and every one of you for all the things you do to keep me going even when I feel that I have had more than enough.  I am so lucky to have so many that care what I am doing enough to send me messages, remind me that I can indeed complete this race, and train with me on a daily basis.  I am one lucky Ironwoman hopeful!

          Tomorrow is my 46th birthday.  I don't tell you this because I expect a boatload of gifts on my front porch come Monday morning--I tell you this because for the first time in my life I feel I can say that I don't look or feel like the BIG 5-0 is right around the corner for me.  I have never felt this healthy, and despite the crazy times I have been getting up to train these days, I honestly have more energy than I have had in years.
          In last week's blog I shared that I am most proud of how strong I have become over the last year--that is my biggest accomplishment. And if I had known what I know today, I think that would have been my goal over the last few years instead of focusing on weight loss.  Besides, getting stronger has helped the weight come off without the laser focus on the scale.

          The picture to the right is my friend Erin and me on my actual 45th birthday.  My gift to myself last year was running The World Famous Mud Run at Camp Pendleton--a challenging 10K course with hills and obstacles.  I thought I was pretty fit and trim last year, but the difference between last year and this one is pretty pronounced.  And while I have really only lost between 15 and 20 pounds, I feel I look like a much different person this year.  It is not only that I look "skinnier"--I look less squishy.  What I mean by that is that when I look at my Mud Run photo, I want to poke my belly like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and I fully expect that the old me would let out a high-pitched giggle.  My finger would not go far into my belly these days.
          So my gift to myself this year is to continue to increase my muscle strength in areas that are not yet firmed up.  While I feel that I have gotten stronger in my legs and with my core, my arms continue to be my weakness--swimming is just not enough.  I still can't even move across even one rung of the monkey bars, and five push ups is about all I can manage without my arms giving out.  Once Ironman is over I really want to add some strength training into my routine, and if the byproduct of my getting stronger is that I finally hit my goal weight, I will not complain one bit.

          I used to think that once I lost all my weight, suddenly my life would change.  I blamed all my unhappiness on not being comfortable in my larger body, but it is just not that simple.  I thought that once I was near my ideal weight, all my stress would be gone, I would be happy all the time, and I would never, ever have to worry again about what to wear.  Here I am, as close to my goal weight as I have ever been, and guess what?  I am still stressed, things still make me cry, and I continue to get up in the morning and not be able to find a thing to put on that looks right on me.  So if losing weight is not the answer to all my problems, then what are the huge benefits of my new healthy lifestyle?  What is better than being skinny?
          I believe the number one benefit from my new lifestyle is how healthy I look.  Honestly, when people tell me I am looking skinny, it almost makes me feel uncomfortable.  I guess I don't really see that I am skinny, because I still have all the flabby, stretch marked spots that will not go away no matter how hard I work.  One thing that has made me very proud over the last month is that I have had several people tell me that I am looking fit.  I don't know why that choice of words is better, but I am really proud and thankful when people say that to me.  Maybe it is because I feel I really have control over my exercise.  I am consistent, I work hard, and I know that I am really doing a good job in this area of my life.  My eating, while much better with MyFitnessPal, can still be erratic. This is why I think being fit is much better than just being skinny.
          I also find that I am more proud of the progress I have made in my training, than in the weight I have lost.  While being lighter makes it easier to do my workouts, it is really the consistent time and effort I have put in that shows how far I have come.  When I first started training for Ironman, I couldn't swim 50 yards with gasping at the end of the pool sure I was going to drown.  I could barely ride 25 miles, and I hadn't yet completed a full marathon.  Today I completed my first Olympic distance triathlon training.  I swam 1,400 yards, easily biked 26 miles, and then ran 6.2 miles.  I did not stop during my swim, and even though it was 90 degrees during my run, I was able to run the entire time without walking (except when hydrating twice).  I could not have done this six months ago, and today it was almost easy.  I think being a better swimmer, biker, and runner is much more impressive than being skinnier.
          Because of my previous eating disorder, I find it healthier for me to focus on getting fitter, making better food choices, and getting stronger and faster at my triathlon sports than putting so much focus on my actual weight. Don't get me wrong, I am happy I am finally getting close to my goal weight.  I have just realized that losing the weight is not the biggest accomplishment I have achieved in the last few years--it is just a by product of all the hard work I have put in!