Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears!
                                                        Arthur Koestler

          I am not sure that even my closest friends know this about me, but I have actually lived my entire life fearful of a variety of things...mostly about things that I cannot control.  My fears are not based on any actual experiences with scary incidents, and at times this can be very frustrating. When I was a child, if my mom was even five minutes late coming home I was sure she had gotten into an accident and that I was going to be an orphan.  I am paralyzingly afraid of the dark, afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of gaining my weight back, afraid of what people think of me, and the list goes on and on.
          During Ironman training I was afraid of drowning on the swim, afraid of falling off my bike, and afraid that after all that hard work I would not make it across the finish line before the cutoff.  And while I truly experience all these fears and more, what I think makes me proud is that I try to never let these fears stop me from setting new challenges for myself. 
          For example, I worked for many years as a primary grade teacher at the same elementary school, and I was afraid of leaving this position. I was afraid I wasn't good enough, and I was afraid of meeting new people--what if they didn't like me the way the teachers at my school did? It is because of these exact fears that I forced myself to apply for a position as a new teacher support provider, and I have been so happy that I left my little comfort zone to try something different. 

          One of the biggest fears I have is a fear of heights--acrophobia.  I can hardly stand on a chair or even a step stool without getting dizzy.  When I did Tough Mudder, it was the obstacle that challenged me to jump off a high platform into a pool of water below that froze me into inaction.  I literally paced back and forth, for what seemed like an eternity, before my team was able to convince me to jump. I HATE HEIGHTS!
          So today when I chose to hike the Mount Woodson Trail in Poway to celebrate my friend Jeremiah's birthday, I knew that the top of the hike would lead us to Potato Chip Rock, which juts out over the landscape below. And I never once even allowed myself to think that I could get away without stepping out onto this rock for a picture. Once out on the rock, I began to feel those familiar swimming feelings of dizziness, but I refused to let that stop me from getting a photo of my accomplishment.  I wasn't quite brave enough to go to the very edge, but maybe that will be my next challenge.
          We all have fears, but it is important that we not allow those fears to dictate what we will and will not do.  Work through those fears and, like me, you will feel strong, successful, and very, very proud of all you were able to accomplish!

          While Eoin and I were playing in North Carolina, my husband stayed behind to redo our bedroom floors.  He spent two weeks pulling up carpet, stripping the floors, and then staining the concrete.  By the time we arrived home the furniture was back in place, and I was able to appreciate the beauty of my new bedroom flooring.  However, because of the whole process, all the surfaces in my bedroom and bathroom were now covered in a thin layer of concrete dust. 
          After an entire week of dealing with this mess, I finally decided that enough was a enough and I spent most of Saturday not only dusting but purging both rooms of unnecessary clutter that had built up over the last few years. I must confess that I would honestly rather pull all of my teeth out than clean my house.  I like a clean house, I just don't like to do it myself.  But once all the work was done I admit I felt so content having a beautiful new floor and a clean living area, and because of allergy issues my husband and youngest son suffer, it is also a healthier area for them to hang out in now.
          Another part of my house that I will have to tackle is the clutter in my kitchen and pantry.  Over the holidays a lot of unhealthy food appeared in our house.  I find that when things like chips, candy, and ice cream are in my house, I am more likely to eat those than the healthier options I know I should be eating.  I experienced a perfect example of this while I was visiting my relatives back East.
          In my dad's house, the only thing left out on the kitchen counter is a humungous bowl filled with fruit.  Because this was all Eoin could see, he ate several apples, oranges, and bananas while we were there.  At my mom's house there is also a fruit bowl, but it is much higher up on the counter.  At Eoin's eye-level were salted mixed nuts, chocolate covered caramel macadamia nut clusters, honey coconut cashews, a box of See's candy, and other not so healthy choices.  While we were at my mom's Eoin did not once ask for a piece of fruit.  As this clearly illustrates, when healthier options are available we are more likely to make better choices.
          I have had a rough three months when it comes to my eating, and it is time to rid my kitchen and pantry of processed junky food so that the house that is my body can also be cleansed of some of these less natural foods.  I am once again tracking on MyFitnessPal to make me more accountable for what I am putting in my mouth, but I know some of this junk just needs to leave my house so it is not so easily available for me to binge on.  Who needs an entire container of cocoa dusted almonds, a bag of Hot Cheetos, and a box of chocolate dipped Oreo cookies to tempt them?  Ridding your house of unhealthy food options is a suggestion most nutritionist will make when you are trying to change your eating habits, so it is an important next step to keep me on the road to a more flabulous me.  Hopefully a cleaner house will lead to some healthier choices and cleaner eating on my part.

WebMD Guide to a Healthy Kitchen: The Best and Worst Foods in Your Pantry

          What a year this has been! It was full of triumphs, challenges, and lots and lots of exercise.  It is hard to believe that the person I used to be could ever have accomplished what I did. This year was also filled with lots of firsts-- first full marathon, first century bike ride, and, of course, my first full Ironman distance triathlon. I pushed my body to levels that I was sure I would never be able to achieve.  I consistently proved to myself I was strong by surpassing what I ever thought, even in my wildest dreams, that I was capable of.
           While I did not formally participate in a large number of races this year, I did huge amounts of swimming, biking, and running training to ensure that come Vineman race day, I would be more than prepared.  As I reflect back on my year, I am so proud of myself and so very thankful for all of you that encouraged me, kept me believing I was capable, and for following me on race day.  I know this sounds corny, but I honestly felt your support throughout the day.  Whenever I thought I couldn't take another stroke, push my pedals another mile, or pound the pavement another step, I was overcome with a feeling of strength knowing so many of you were pulling for me to succeed. I thought that before January was over, I would share with you what it took to be able to call myself an Ironman.

Here is a month-by-month summary of what my training entailed:
January Totals:
Running—74.85 miles
Biking—47.59 miles
Swimming—17,600 yds (10 miles)

February Totals:
Running—29.85 miles
Biking—311.32 miles
Swimming—20,600 yds (11.7 miles)

March Totals:
Running—74.08 miles
Biking—476.26 miles
Swimming—32,200 yds (18.3 miles)

April Totals:
Running—70.53 miles
Biking—480.96 miles
Swimming—29,150 yds (16.56 miles)


May Totals:
Running—62.81 miles
Biking—611.58 miles
Swimming—32,000 yards (18.18 miles)

June Totals:
Running—97.6 miles
Biking—593 miles
Swimming—31,000 yards (17.6 miles)

July Totals:
Running—98.74 miles
Biking—513 miles
Swimming—36,250 yards (20.59 miles)

August Totals:
Running— 59.4 miles
Biking—165 miles
Swimming— 8,900 yards (5.06 miles)

September Totals:
Running— 112.29 miles
Biking—95 miles
Swimming—14,900 yards (8.47 miles)

October Totals:
Running—70.74 miles
Biking—180 miles
Swimming—8000 yards (4.55 miles)

November Totals:
Running—75.81 miles
Biking—152 miles
Swimming—4000  yards (2.27 miles)

December Totals:
Running—62.24 miles
Biking—87.28 miles

2013 Totals:
Running—888.94 miles
Biking—3,713 miles
Swimming—234,600 yards (133.3 miles)

Races:
Carlsbad Full Marathon
San Diego Half Marathon
Spring Rush Century
Scripp’s Old Pro 10K
Vineman Full Ironman
O’Side Turkey Trot 5-miler

          I think if I learned anything this year, it would be that we should never put limits on ourselves.  You can do anything you put your mind to if you want it badly enough and if you work hard enough. In the words of my very wise 6 year-old son, "I know you can do it mom, 'cause you have lightning and fight power!" I hope that 2014 is the year that you dig deep and challenge yourself to do something that you never thought possible, because we all have lightning and fight power within us. Here is what worked for me:

1. Find something to challenge you that you can be passionate about completing.
2. Find support in training partners, family, and friends--very few of us can do it alone.
3. Find a training plan and stick to it as closely as possible.
4. Once you make up your mind to take on that challenge, never give up!

        So find your passion and let it lead you to heights that you never dreamed possible.  Find the lightning and fight power you have within you--I know you can do it!

          For the last week or so, I have been in North Carolina visiting my family.  My sister's family, my mother, and my step-father's family, all Southern California natives, moved out here one at a time over the last ten years.  I don't get out here very often, so when I do I try to make the most of every minute I am here. 
          With my mother, one of the things I love to do is cook.  She is a fabulous chef and baker, so I love to learn techniques from her.  As I shared last week, Sean and I had seen The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  One of the recurring "characters" in the movie was a clementine tangerine cake.  I thought it would be fun to try to replicate that cake with my mom, so we went online and actually found a blog recipe from the woman who created the cake for the movie: Walter Mitty Clementine Cake. 

          While our cake failed miserably, my mom was curious enough to want to see the movie herself and watch the cake play an interesting role in the movie action.  I have to say, watching the movie a second time made me appreciate it even more.  I saw things I had missed the first time around, and I was even more inspired by my vision of the message, "Stop Dreaming and Start Doing."  However, I was intrigued to discover that my mother got a different message after watching the same movie. She thought that the movie was trying to tell us that Walter Mitty had that within him all along and that he just had to realize how strong he really was, both mentally and physically strong.
          These two views of the message are not drastically different, but I was just as inspired by the idea of both.  And last night I had one of those ah-ha moments.  To help you understand this, I need to go back a little and give you a few details.  

          In addition to baking/cooking with my mother, I also try to fit in more physical activities while in the area.  Before heading out here I signed up for two races to make sure I kept active to counteract the whole cooking with my mother thing.  I signed by for the Running of the Lights, which is a 5.5K run that takes place in a large local park called Tanglewood.  The unique thing about this race besides the fact that you run in the dark through beautiful Christmas light displays is that it starts right at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.  So less than an hour into the new year, I had already completed my first race of 2014.  I ran this race alone, so while I did get a personal record of 28:11 and 196/1180 overall, this was a tough race for me.  I don't like running alone, and mentally I really had to fight with myself to keep pushing on.  It was hilly, but I am used to running hills at home.  I did do well in the end, but it is not the easiest race I have ever run.
            And yesterday I ran my first 25K in the Frosty Fifty event.  Once again, I was running alone.  It was really tough to even get dressed for this one.  What does a California girl know about running in temps below 20 degrees??  I woke up at 5:00 am ET (and I have still not adjusted to the time change), and put on a t-shirt, a long sleeve, a light down vest, a wind breaker, long pants, running capris, gloves, and a ski cap.  I think I had on more clothes than my entire running group wears altogether back home!

          After getting over that dressing hurdle, I stretched, ate a roll with peanut butter and downed a cup of coffee before heading out to the truck and on my way to the race.  That's when I had to step outside into the cold air and the realization that I was going to freeze my never-ending @$$ off.  What was I thinking?!  For the first time ever, I was actually thinking about jumping back into bed and just skipping this one--who would blame me?!  Instead, I pushed forward and drove over to the event location at Salem Lake, where I must admit that until race time at 8am, my brain was constantly trying to get me to rethink what I was about to do.  It is hard for me when I am alone with no one to force me to be accountable.  This is a reason that I am so thankful for my weekly running buddies--I will not flake on them once I have made a commitment. 

          To my credit, I did not get back into the truck and drive off before race time, and I spent the rest of the run so thankful I did not give up on myself.  About 100 yards into the race, I heard someone to my left asking me if I had ever run this race before, and from that point on my new friend Rhonda (who is a Marathon Maniac) ran the entire 15 miles with me.  We were a good match for each other--we both like to socialize (i.e. chat) and our paces really supported what we needed at that point.  I needed someone to help me keep a better pace for a long run, and she needed someone to keep her fresh, because she was running the full 50K (30 miles).  About 5 miles in, Daniel, a NC State Trooper, joined us and we were a team until the end of the 25K.  We pushed, encouraged, and distracted each other for the entire race.  Before I knew it it was time to run across the finish line and wish Rhonda luck on the second half of her race.

          Now back to my ah-ha moment...this morning I rolled over in bed and winced in pain.  My glutes were killing me, and right at that moment I flashed back to how truly challenging the Frosty Fifty course was yesterday.  Not only was it very cold, not only was I running 15 miles, but it was SUPER hilly.  And honestly, it had not even crossed my mind that this was a hard course, because my NC running buddies had made the race so enjoyable.  In fact, it was a good 10 miles before I even thought that I was getting a little tired. I didn't even realize how hilly the course was until I rolled over at pain at 3am this morning.  If you look at the graphics to the left, you can see how much more challenging yesterdays course really was, and yet, because I was so distracted talking to my running friends, I had no idea it was difficult.
          So what my mom interpreted as the message when she watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, was exemplified by my two North Carolina races.  When I was alone at the Running of the Lights with nothing to distract me, I let my brain tell me what I could and could not do.  In contrast at the Frosty Fifty race, I was so entertained that my brain did not even have the opportunity to have an input and my body took over.  I have more inside of me than my brain gives me credit for, and I need to remind myself of that on a regular basis.
          Is there something that your brain is telling you that you are not capable of?  If so, silence that message and prove to yourself that you can do more than you think you are capable of.  Dig deep, because it is already inside of you!