A few weeks ago, Eoin and I were having a late lunch with one of my close childhood friends.  We were having a nice meal on the patio of one of our local Greek restaurants, and I had the rare opportunity to just sit back, relax, talk to my friend, and watch Eoin.  As I observed my son, it occurred to me that I really could learn a lot from the way that Eoin approaches life. Finding my inner child just might bring me the balance I have been searching for over the last few months.
        First, for those of you that don't know a whole lot about my son, this child was once known as the Fruit Bandit.  From a very young age, Eoin knew that not only was fruit a delectable treat, but it was easy to sneak a bite anytime he wanted, because I always had fruit on the counter where the entire family had access. This child loves fruits and vegetables, and will often ask for seconds and thirds at every meal.  However, he also loves his sweets.  I am afraid this gene probably came from me.  But the thing I can learn from Eoin is to eat a balanced diet.  He eats a little of everything including protein, healthy grains, fruits and vegetables, but he also eats desserts...which leads me to the second thing I can learn from my son.

          While Eoin loves sweets, he stops when he is full.  I suspect that Eoin scored the large portion of delicious vanilla bean ice cream with chocolate syrup in the above picture, because the girl behind the counter thought he was cute.  But Eoin felt no obligation to eat every bite of said sundae.  He took a few bites, and then left the rest to melt as he happily played around the patio.  I need to learn from Eoin to eat slowly and then stop when I am full.  I don't need to eat every bite--I can leave food on the plate and my figure will be thankful if I do.
          As Eoin moved around the patio, it reminded me of how Eoin never makes the time to work out--he works out all day long.  From the time his eyes open until he finally collapses under the covers at night, he never stops moving.  One minute he is pretending to be a soccer player running around the backyard, and in the next minute he is running up and down the hallways pretending to be a race car.  I am not saying that I will be replacing my workouts with pretend play with Eoin, but I am saying that we can all put a little more movement into our days.  Take the stairs instead of the elevator, park at the farthest end of the parking and get a little more walking in, or you can walk or bike to the store for any small grocery items you might need.  We can all learn to be a little more active like Eoin.
          So I am hoping to take Eoin's lead and try to find my inner child on a more regular basis.  I will try to focus on eating a healthier diet, but not completely deprive myself of desserts.  Eating ice cream every once in a while is not going to kill me...I just need to be reasonable.  I am going to try to remember to eat more slowly so that I can better monitor when I am full, and when I am feeling full I will stop eating.  I am exercising on a regular basis, but sometimes during my workday I forget to get up and move around.  I know that if I was more like Eoin, I would find a way to move my body throughout the day.  Hopefully all these things will help me balance my focus on staying fit, with remembering to let loose and enjoy the fitness I have worked so hard to attain.

          Ugh! I don't know what it is about this time of year, but the moment my body senses fall has arrived it begins to crave calories like a 500-pound bear preparing for a winter hibernation. Only a bear tends to stuff himself full of nuts, berries, and insects...my nutrition of choice lately has been chocolate, pastries, and anything with high, empty calories. What is wrong with me? I cannot seem to get myself under control these days!
          My saving grace has been tracking these binges and a consistent exercise routine.  On Monday, I went almost 1,000 calories over my limit. Now if my food diary had been full of lean protein, quality carbs, and fruits and vegetables I would not need to worry. My big issue is that I am eating so much crap that it is cutting into the good food I should really be eating.
          What is the solution? I think the number one thing I need to do is not put any candy in my mouth no matter how small. I know that chocolate in particular is a food that sets me off on my binges, but the problem is that I have already started, and it is so hard to stop. I do need to get the candy out of my house, but I hate to be "that family" that hands out toothbrushes and apples to the trick-or-treaters. So the solution might be to buy the candy I won't eat (which right now doesn't leave me much to choose from), and I should purchase it on Halloween night so I don't have it staring at me for the next couple weeks.
        I have also been looking at trying to create comfort food with fewer calories.  Maybe if I feel like I am splurging but the meals are really lower calorie, just maybe that might satisfy me.  I always find delicious looking recipes on the emails I get from the Hungry Girl.  This week she had a healthier version for French Onion Soup that looked delicious, and since soup is one of the foods I find comforting this might work. There was also a recipe for Creamy Kale Spaghetti Squash that might be a good substitute for a creamy sauced pasta dish.  I really love spaghetti squash, but when I go on these binges I forget I actually love healthy food and that I find it very satisfying as well.  How about dessert?  Well, this week she also had a Pumpkin Bread Pudding that looked yummy and really easy to make. Or even a Cran-Orange Scone that could be used as a dessert or a quick breakfast alternative, and at 187 calories it won't break the calorie bank.  If you have not subscribed to Hungry Girl yet, I really encourage you to do so.  She has great tips, recipes, and new food finds, and if you sign-up you will get these resources sent right to you on a weekly basis.  Hungry Girl Home Page
          The problem is that I don't really know what I need to do to get myself under control.  I am hoping that if I make the bad food less accessible and make healthier food more accessible I just might head back in the right direction.  Luckily for me, I have some very support friends and family that make it very easy to exercise 5-6 days a week. So at times like this where my eating is out of control, I can at least balance that with the calories I gain from my workouts.
          Thank you for allowing me to confess my eating sins to you this week.  I hope that in the next couple weeks I can report back that something I tried worked to help me behave, and when that happens I will share it right here in my blog with you.

There is no such thing as failing.  Failing is when you give up.  Just move on and try something else.
                                                                                 Tara VanDerveer, basketball coach

          I have had a love/hate relationship with tracking my food for years.  It's not that I don't see the value of tracking, it is just that in my busy schedule I have to pick and choose what is important to me--exercise is important, tracking, not so much. That is until lately. For the first time in my life I am actually happy with what I see in the mirror, and I don't want to blow it.
          I have shared that a good friend and I have been holding ourselves accountable by logging in everyday to MyFitnessPal and trying to stay within our calorie limits six days a week and exercising five days as well. Why did I do this when I am pretty happy with where I am right now?  Because I want to stay where I am and not yo-yo back like I have done every other time over the last thirty years. I have a terrible metabolism and I LOVE food, which is the perfect recipe for weight gain if I am not diligent.
          I know some people might be wondering if I might be going a little crazy with the food tracking and exercise.  That is one of the reasons I decided to write this blog this week.  While I feel comfortable relaxing on the weight loss, I know that not watching my calorie intake and cutting back on training is what always sends me in the wrong direction.

Fact 1--I live for food.  I love all kinds of food and I am honestly not willing to live off of lettuce, non-fat cheese, and grilled chicken breast for the rest of my life.   Because of that, I need to exercise to earn more calories and amp up my metabolism rate. I also need to track to make sure I am within reasonable limits.

Fact 2--Tracking has saved me on numerous occasions from going completely over what I need to eat to fuel my body.  This week has been particularly difficult. I ran nineteen miles on Sunday, and since Monday was my rest day I had no extra calories to support my ravenous hunger.  I decided it was a good day to splurge since my body was obviously needing extra food to replace what I had burned away the day before.  Problem is, every day this week I felt like I was starving.  On Thursday morning I not only ate my healthy steel-cut oatmeal and banana, but once I arrived at my meeting I ate two pastries and two plates of fruit.  At lunchtime I was still so hungry that I ate two plates of rice and chicken chow mein, a roll with butter, and a pastry left over from breakfast... I always know I am headed for disaster when I have dessert for breakfast and lunch. On the way home we stopped for a large frozen yogurt with chopped almonds, and I was already thinking about what I was going to be able to eat for dinner.         
          Luckily, I took the time to track and realized that even with running before work, I had left myself with less than 400 calories for dinner.  So while my family had tacos for dinner, I made myself a nice taco salad with salsa for dressing and then a large nectarine for dessert.

Fact 3--It only takes 3,500 extra calories to gain one pound. So if I overeat even 1000 calories a week (less than 150 calories a day) for four weeks, there comes one pound. That is why people who aren't careful can slide back to their old weight so easily.  Livestrong Article Link

Fact 4--I also need to make sure I eat enough food.  When I do some of my long rides and runs, I track my exercise so I make sure and feed my body what it needs for fuel.  On those days I track less to make sure I stay under a certain calorie limit.  I am tracking to make sure I eat enough good foods to keep me healthy.

Fact 5--Even after almost thirty years of dieting and watching what I eat,  the calories of some foods still surprise me.  One of my go to breakfasts is a Starbucks oatmeal cup.  I usually only use a little brown sugar and non-fat milk, but the other day I loaded it with the entire packet of brown sugar, all the nuts, and all the dried fruit.  The calorie difference, 200 extra calories with all the goodies added. Not that this is terrible, but I would not have guessed that was the case.  See how the calories can creep up on you!

          Again, I am trying not being too strict, but I am going to do anything I can to stay off that weight gain roller coaster.  And while I am just trying to maintain, if you are at a point where you need to lose large amounts of weight, keeping track of your calorie intake and exercise is even more important to make sure you continue to have the calorie deficit necessary to lose those pounds.  And if you want to be accountable, I suggest you find a friend to do it with.  I know that tracking with my friend has keep me on the straight and narrow even when it was difficult.  Thank God for accountability!

          I have been thinking a lot about change lately, and how uncomfortable this change can make us feel.  Even positive change can be stressful at times.  If you get a wonderful new job, you still have the discomfort of meeting all your new coworkers and learning all the tasks the new job entails.  Losing weight is a positive change, but it can be uncomfortable getting used to your new body shape.  Even though I can fit into a bikini now, all my old insecurities make it difficult for me to wear this bikini out in public.  I have spent so much time covering up all my body flaws, I don't even know what to do with myself when all those parts are now exposed.
          Those of you who know me or have been reading my blog for a while might know that I love Jillian  Michaels.  When I was most discouraged with my weight loss journey, I found great inspiration in The Biggest Loser and the inspirational words Jillian shared in both this show and in her books.  Now I know that people either love her or hate her, but she really does have some good advice to share with people that are working to change their lives for the better.  I recently came across Jillian's most recent adventure, her podcast The Jillian Michaels Show, and I wanted to share a little about what she has to say about change in a show I was listening to this week.
        Oddly enough, this show is entitled "Jillian Deals With Public Nudity", and while a move to nudity is not the change I am speaking about, the first segment of this show actually made me laugh out loud because it reveals a very different side to Jillian.  Those that know the tough trainer might be surprised to find out that she is actually a very modest person.  In the first segment of this podcast she shares how a friend of the family sent her to a spa where she was forced to bare it all, and the discomfort this situation caused her was hilarious.  I never pictured Jillian as a modest person, but it made me wonder if maybe she would be less so if she hadn't lived part of her life as a chunky child.  She mentioned people at the spa seeing her stretch marks, and I was surprised to realize that despite the amazing shape she is in, she might still be embarrassed about her flabby parts like I am.  So despite her great change from overweight teenager to very fit adult, she might still have some of those feelings of inadequacy. 
          Her second segment was the one that inspired me this week.  It is honestly one of the best perspectives on change I have heard in a long time. The last few years have been rough for teachers in California.  We have larger class sizes, very little money to buy even the most basic supplies for our students, and I cannot tell you how hard it is to hear from some in the mainstream media how lazy and overpaid we are, with the long hours we all put in every week.  In addition to all this change, we are also tasked with implementing the new Common Core Standards, which are really amazing for student learning, but another huge change for teachers.  As I was listening to Jillian's podcast, I was wishing I could share her wisdom with all the teachers I work with.  And I am hoping you, too, can find some inspiration in her perspective on change.
          Jillian starts by sharing that change is inevitable, and that it is important that we learn to shift our perspective and look at this change as the opportunity for something good to come our way.  She shared this perfect analogy of change being like a river with a strong current pulling us downstream.  It does no good to turn around and try to swim against the current. What we do have control over is where we land. So if we embrace the changes in our lives instead of fighting against change, we can grow and be in a better place than we were before the change occurred.
          I also received a new perspective on change in a meeting I attended last month.  The presenter shared that when we say that people do not like change, that is not technically true.  What we don't like is the way that change makes us feel.  Change can make us feel uncomfortable.  We may not feel as skilled at the new tasks the change brings about and feelings of inadequacy may arise.  For example, when I decided to change my exercise routine by adding triathlons, the fact that I couldn't swim made me feel very frustrated.  Change may also bring about loss.  When Sean and I moved away from Pasadena to Temecula, we left a lot of friends behind. While I miss my friends from back home, I have made some amazing life-long friends here as well. Finally they shared that change can make people feel disloyal.  I know one thing that my new exercise routine has changed is the amount of time I have for my friends that don't train with me.  I feel so bad that my time is limited with them, but I also know that in order to stay healthy I need to continue with the routine I have set.  After all, I welcome my friends to join me any day of the week in a little quality time together as we run, bike, swim, or even walk.
          So in this great time of change, try to adjust your perspective, because change is inevitable.  Embrace change as the opportunity it is meant to be. Change helps us grow and become even better versions of ourselves.  And as you change, become comfortable with the new version you have become.  Don't let your old feelings of inadequacy ruin all the hard work you put in to move through that change.

"If you are feeling like a ship lost at sea, if you pick a destination it helps you guide yourself out of stormy waters."
                                    Jillian Michaels