The Flabby to Flabulous Files
  • FTF Home

Keeping My Past From Defining My Present

11/9/2014

0 Comments

 
PictureThe actual neighborhood I grew up in with a liquor store disguised as a market.
I have thought about this a lot over the last few years. There may have been some of us that had the  perfect childhood where everything was just the way it should be. In these families, the parents had plenty of time to spend with their children, there was very little conflict going on between these parties--these children were fed three-plus square meals a day, had plenty of fun activities to enrich their lives, and experienced few-to-no traumatic events that would define what their grown-up lives would become. But I am willing to bet that very few of us experienced this idyllic childhood. 
         
I, for one, had a loving single mother who had to work hard to make sure that we got everything she thought we needed. With this hard work, it meant that she was not at home to supervise us as much as she, perhaps, should have. In this often unsupervised environment, things sometimes occur that should not be experienced by a child. I won't go into the ugly details because doing so does not change what happened, and I have made peace with these experiences. However, despite these early challenges, I am not saying that I had a terrible childhood, because I would not trade many of my experiences for anything. These experiences made me the person I am today.                  
         
Because there were times that no one was watching me, I was able to play hide and seek after dark in my neighborhood, I got to explore the sewer system and the water ways around my neighborhood, and having a bike meant that even at under ten years old, I was able to ride miles away to the local mall, travel to my favorite childhood junk food places like McDonalds, and pretty much feel like the entire world was there for me to explore as long I was willing to bike far enough. Without the bad times I truly believe that I could not appreciate these little things in life that I was able to do. Don't get me wrong, my mom was not neglectful. She hired people to take care of me… but they just didn't do a very good job of managing my wandering nature. And why would an eight-year-old self tell my mother about the lack of supervision when doing so would mean the end of my journeys around the beautiful city of Carson?
         
And with that I suppose you can see that my view of the world was very juvenile and simplistic.  I thought that the fact that I lived across the street (literally across the street) from a liquor store/market was proof that I was living a charmed childhood.  I could just walk across the street and have access to any of God's bountiful culinary masterpieces: Hostess fruit pies, Funyons, Crush sodas, ice cream treats of every kind, and any chocolate bar or candy confection your childhood self could possibly imagine.  At that time it felt like living across the street from the Wonka Candy Factory.  I overlooked the times like the one where I was watercoloring on my front sidewalk, happened to paint a license plate number of a car parked in front of me, and ended up being a six-year-old witness to a convenience store robbery.  Or the time I found a paper bag of money under an A-frame sign advertising beer and milk, and ended up hiding from my friend's drug-dealer brother who had foolishly hidden the fruits of his labor in view of a child who felt like she hit the junk food buying lotto that day.
         
How I survived my childhood in one piece is still a miracle in my mind, but I do think that what made it possible for me to survive some of the emotional challenges was my refusal to let my past define my future self. Please understand that I am not trying to minimize anyone's terrible experiences.  All I am saying is that deciding to let go of what was not in my control, like changing the past, and focusing on what I could do to make my life better was more productive and led me to a place of peace and, dare I say, happiness.  I also truly believe that my losses and experiences of childhood trauma have contributed to the tapestry of my current self. I believe that it made me a more compassionate person, which also helps me to be a more understanding and patient parent and teacher.
         
I choose to share this very private side of myself this week because I have several friends that are facing difficult challenges in their lives that are making it more difficult for them to stay positive. I want them to remember that they are strong and that despite how they are feeling right now, things will get better.  As I researched for this blog I found some good tips in an article entitled 7 Ways to Heal Your Childhood Trauma:
  1. Acknowledging that the trauma did occur and that it was not your fault.
  2. Make sure that you are in control and that your past is not controlling you.  As shared in the link above, "When you're a victim, the past is in control of your present...when you have conquered your pain, the present is controlled by you."
  3. Seek support from those you trust and love you.  Do not isolate yourself!
  4. Focus on your health--a healthier mind and body will make it easier to cope with the current stress you are experiencing.
  5. Let go of those negative experiences. "Letting go means no longer allowing your bad memories and feelings of a bad childhood to rob yourself of living a good life now."
  6. Replace your bad habits with healthier ones.  For a time I let overeating and bulimia mask what I truly needed to face, and while I still occasionally eat my feelings instead of facing them, I mostly choose to be kind to myself.
  7. The final suggestion from this article is one that really speaks to me in particular this week.  it is important for me to be patient with myself and acknowledge the great progress I have made.

         
I am hoping that if you are having difficulty making peace with the past that this may inspire you to live your present to the absolute fullest. The past can be crippling if we allow it to be--instead allow your inner strength to shine through and throw your past into the shadows where it belongs.  To rephrase a quote from my friend Kathryn, "You have a past, you are NOT your past!"

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.”

                                                            Steve Mariboli--
Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the                                                                                           Human Experience

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011

    Author

    After yo-yo dieting for 30 years I finally feel like I am on the right track. 
    Join me on my journey from flabby to FLABulous!

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.