Secret #1: About six months ago, I had a rather large detour where it concerns my eating. I was still exercising regularly, but while I was eating very healthy food during my main meals, the snacking was moving me in the wrong direction. Now if I didn’t have children, none of these tempting foods would be in my house. I have, however, decided not to deprive them of everything tasty, because I want them to learn to balance the good, healthy food with a little of the sometimes foods like chips (baked), ice cream (Skinny Cows), and my nemesis, Cinnamon Toast Crunch (no healthy version for this one). On one particularly off day, I ate way more than I should have and I actually, for just one little second, thought of taking the easy way out. The very next second my brain reminded me of how miserably sick I was in the throws of my eating disorder, and I made the better decision to just go for a little longer run the next day.
While I made the right decision, it worried me that my mind had even gone there. It made me realize that I need to continue to be nice to myself even when I am not “perfect.” We will all have days that cause us to stress eat, to eat larger portions than are necessary, to eat foods that have no nutritional value, but we all need to learn to move on. Every meal, every day is a new chance to start over. It is when we give up on ourselves and decide to move back into our old habits permanently that we are in trouble.
Also, I worked so hard to do this the right way (exercise and healthy eating), I could not let my old demons and unhealthy focus on perfection make me lose sight of the fact that I am in this for the long haul. There is no next time or next diet for me (did I just use the D-word?). This is my final journey and good days or bad days, I need to just move on with what has worked for the last two years.
Secret #3: I am secretly worried about slipping back into my old habits. No matter how successful I am, at the back of my mind there is this little voice that sometimes reminds me that I have never been successful in the past. What makes me think I can actually keep off the weight this time and continue with my healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life? Luckily, I also have another voice that reminds me that I CAN do this. Bad days, bad weeks, injuries that keep me from running, I CAN do this. I also have this little blog that makes me feel a little accountable for not straying too far. I know that every week I need to confess the good and the not so good in this blog, so it helps to remind me that I need to jump right back to my healthy eating and continue my exercise not matter what that negative voice tells me.
As I was running yesterday morning the Avril Lavigne song “Keep Holding On,” was playing on my iPod, and the lyrics really resonated with me (see below). Know that you are not alone. You have your family, you have your friends, and for what it is worth, you have me. I will be here to remind you that you can do it. Don’t give into those negative voices, because this is the time to change your life for the better, forever.
"Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you