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La, La, La, La...I'm Not Listening

3/14/2015

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Bounty From "The Box" March 14, 2015

With this running hiatus that has been forced upon me, I need to be more careful with my eating.  This makes me even more thankful for my weekly box full of organic goodies.  Today I want to share two dishes I created for lunch today.  One came from the box, and one I share because I love it so much.  If you have never eaten rapini (also know as broccoli rabe), you are in for a treat.  It has a more bitter taste than broccoli, but when paired with creamy textures, it has a perfect balance.  Today I made one of my favorite vegetarian sandwiches. I steam the rapini, pat it dry, then spray it with olive oil and sprinkle on some red pepper flakes.  I serve it on soft sourdough bread with a spread of lite mayo and a slice of soft cheese like havarti or muenster.  I also made a refreshing endive, grapefruit, and avocado salad.  The recipe is included below in the slide show.  
PictureThis is all the action my running shoes are getting these days.
I have been writing this blog for over four years now. From the very beginning it was meant to be a place where I could capture my experiences, feelings, and resources and strategies that have helped to improve my overall health.  My weekly entires are a diary of sorts for me.  In the beginning, it really was just a place for me to place all the feelings and thoughts that go on in my head during the week.  I can be very hard on myself, and this blog gives me an outlet to get that negativity out so I can find room to be kind to myself.

I have to warn you that this week I am not in a good place.  I get in funks, and I am in a huge hole right now and finding it hard to get out.  If you were hoping for an uplifting entry this week, log off now and come back next week.  I have to get this off my chest, because my frustration and anger at being injured and so far off my training is pulling me down into a funk.

I listened to my body this week, although it was not really a choice.  I couldn't have run if I had tried.  My muscles all around my knee were so seized up that it was even difficult to walk around at work let alone exercise. So, instead I got plenty of sleep in hopes of healing quickly.  I iced, I stretched, and hoped that this weekend, if I was good, I could get back at it.  I knew that I couldn't think of going right back to the crazy number of miles I had built up to in the last month, but I was hoping to get back out there pain-free.

This morning I got up early to beat the heat.  My amazing running team was there to support me, but my leg was not.  I didn't even get to the bottom of my street before I realized there was no way I could even run one mile, let alone the five I was hoping to conquer.  This is the point where I lost it.  Running makes me happier than I can even explain in words.  As I drove around town today all I could see were runners--single runners, groups of runners, fast runners, slow runners, they appeared to be everywhere I looked, and I wanted to be out there with them. The more runners I encountered, the deeper my sadness grew. I know it doesn't seem reasonable, but I find my sense of reason has become like a petulant child with fingers firmly placed in her ears refusing to listen.  "La, la, la, la...I am not listening!"

I know it has only been a week, but what you need to understand is that running doesn't just make me happy, it keeps me sane.  While I absolutely love my job, it can be very stressful at times.  Add that to the responsibilities of being a mother, a wife, and everything else in life that takes time and patience, and I need an outlet to let off that stress and energy, and running does that and more for me.  

Running also allows me to eat the food I love, and without the ability to get out there and burn calories, I need to be much more careful than even my usual healthy eating. I have the worst metabolism ever, and only running seems to give me that calorie boost I need.  I like biking, I like swimming, but I don't seem to get the same endorphins, calorie burn, or happiness that I get when I am out running the streets with my buddies.

And speaking of my running buddies, not only are they amazing running partners, but I consider our early morning treks around Murrieta a form of therapy.  I can share my frustrations, my stresses, and my triumphs with them. I run ideas by them and ask for their suggestions.  If I have a decision to make, our long runs allow me time to share my options and to get some advice.  Can you see why I am freaking out a bit about my hiatus from running? 

Add to that the fact that in just over two months I am hoping to run my first ultra marathon.  If this injury persists much longer there is a chance I won't be ready to run the 50 let alone the 100-miler.  In my head I know this is just a stupid injury.  It is not cancer.  It is not the loss of a loved one.  It is not a permanent problem, but I cannot get my heart to a sensible place.  I am reminding myself constantly that this is not the end of the world, but all I get back is, "La, la, la, la...I am not listening!" Hoping that the reasonable side of me will take over soon--that or a miraculous healing of this knee so I can get back out there to my happy place.

2 Comments
Michelle link
3/15/2015 12:35:45 am

Oh injuries. They suck don't they! But for as frustrated as you are, you KNOW you have to listen to your body. When I was training for Boston, I fractured a bone in my pelvis. I spent a lot of time in the pool and on the bike...none of which felt like running and often left me feeling more disappointed. I don't have any wise words of wisdom, other than listen to your body. We have all been there at some point. It's ok to be pissed. Keep things in perspective. Be patient...(my least favorite).

Reply
Michelle C. McCarthy
3/15/2015 01:21:47 am

Thanks for the encouragement! I am listening, but it is hard when my heart wants to be out there running. Wondering if maybe I need to get back to outdoor spin and swim. The gym version is killing my love for these two sports.

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