I would love to completely blame Sean for my wild feeding frenzies, but I myself brought the other crazy treat pictured above into our kitchen. What was I thinking? What good could come of having a product that is called Cookie Butter because it consists of ground up cookies? And not only did I buy Cookie Butter, but I also purchased the suggested cookies to dip into the cookie butter. Cookies slathered with ground cookies, can you see where my head has been for the last few months...obviously not in the healthy eating mode.
I did attempt to control this eating by convincing Karrie that we needed to start tracking again. Since last week we have been trying out an app called "Lose It," but from the day we started using the app, I have not tracked even one entire day. I am afraid my phone might blow up as I frantically attempt to add all the food I have been so unconsciously grazing on. I haven't actually weighed myself to assess the damage, but I am noticing that I have a little more toosh cushion during my bike rides and my stomach is more "stickie outie" than it was in July, which is a much better assessment of weight gain/loss than a scale will ever be.
One thing I did notice this week is the weird power I give to food. For example, a very good friend of mine experienced a tragedy in her life. All I could think of was trying to make sure she took care of herself and that she was eating, as if the food would solve all her problems. And this is not an isolated incident. When I am sick, I "need" the magical power of chicken soup. When I am sad or angry, chocolate temporarily makes me feel better. When we celebrate important milestones in my family, it is usually connected to some trip to a favorite restaurant or a decadent treat we reward ourselves with. And if you go on vacation to any place we have ever visited, you can be sure Sean and I will have tons of food related destinations that we can suggest for you.
So what is the solution? I don't know. I even got a nasty stomach flu, which would normally give me the opportunity to slow down and gain control. However, the first food I ate once I felt better was not dry toast or applesauce, it was a white-chocolate dipped bisccotti. I think I may just need to survive the holidays by continuing to get outside and play, tracking my food choices on Lose It as much as I can, and continually reminding myself that food is for energy, not to soothe emotions. I am hoping someday that my relationship with food will be a little healthier, but in the meantime I need to remember that I am a work in progress...fluff and all.